Millions Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, both men fell sound asleep. Some hours later, Tonto wakes the Lone Ranger and says,"Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars.""What that tell you?" asked Tonto.The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabe, you dumber then buffalo chip. Someone has stolen tent."

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal, they lay down and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see!"
"I see millions of stars," Watson said. "What does that tell you?" Holmes asked.
Watson replied. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful. Meteorologically, I suspect we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
"Watson, you idiot," he said. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

Santa on Trial
You are accused, Mr. Santa Claus, alias Saint Nick, alias Kris Kringle, age unknown, of no fixed abode, with the following charges:
Failing to apply for landed immigrant status from Finland to the North Pole
Crossing the Canadian-USA border illegally on December 25 of each year as far back as records go
Failing to operate a union toy shop, and not paying your elves and dwarfs the minimum wage, provide paid vacations and wages at time and a half for more than 40 hour work weeks, or meeting the standards of the Worker's Compensation Boards Failing to transmit unemployment insurance payments, income tax deductions and Canada Pension payments to the proper authorities on behalf of your employees
You are accused of the illegal entry of millions of Canadian homes on December 25 of each year
Violating the Federal Anti-Combines Investigation Act by operating a tight monopoly
Failing to file a flight plan for your travels
Failing to equip your more...

Hillary Clinton died and, Lord knows why, went to heaven. St. Peter approached her and says "Hillary, I know you're 'somebody' down on Earth, but up here, you're just another person. And, I'm swamped right now, so have a seat and I'll get back with you as soon as I can."
So Hillary sits down and begins looking at her surroundings. She notices a huge wall that extends as far as the eye can see. And on that wall there are millions and millions of clocks. She can't help notice that on occasion some of the clocks jump ahead fifteen minutes.
When St. Peter returns she asks "What's the deal with the clocks?"
St. Peter replies "There is a clock on the wall for every married man on Earth."
Hillary asks, "Well what does it mean when the clock jumps ahead 15 minutes?"
St. Peter replies, "That means that the man that belongs to that clock has just committed adultery."
Hillary asks, "Well, is my husband's clock on the more...

Hillary Clinton died one day and wen't to heaven and there were thousands of clocks. She asked why there were so many clocks? The angel that was standing there told her that each clock represents a person, when a person lies it ticks one second. She asked to see her husbands. The angel studerd for a second and then gave some huge ear muffs to her with a earpiece. The angel showed Hillary to a huge room on the wall was mounted a digital clock that was ticking like hell. She looked around and saw MILLIONS AND MILLIONS of insane angels mumbling "Tick, tick tick, tock, tock tock.." and MILLIONS AND MILLIONS of broken clocks. The angel sighed and said "we had to go to digital"