Minister Jokes / Recent Jokes

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City."
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and more...

Farmer Joe had a nagging wife who made his life miserable. The only real peace that he got was when he was out in the field plowing. One day when he was out in the field, Joe’s wife brought his lunch to him.
Then she stayed while he quietly ate and berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Joe’s old mule kicked up his back legs, striking her in the head, and killing her instantly.
At the wake, Joe’s minister noticed that when the women offered sympathy to Joe he would nod his head up and down. But when the men came up and spoke quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side.
When the wake was over and all the mourners had left, the minister approached Joe and asked, “Why was it that you nodded your head up and down to all the women and shook your head from side to side to all the men? ”
“Well, ” Joe replied, “The women all said how nice she looked, and her dress was so pretty, so I agreed by nodding my head more...

A minister and lawyer were chatting at a party: "What do you do if you make a mistake on a case?" the minister asked. "Try to fix it if it's big; ignore it if it's insignificant," replied the lawyer. "What do you do?" lawyer asked. "Oh, more or less the same. Let me give you an example. The other day I meant to say' the devil is the father of liars,' but instead I said' the devil is the father of lawyers,' so I let it go," minister replied.

This minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made. The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes. The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes. But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes. When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way. The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my dentures were hurting a lot. The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures... and I couldn't stop talking!

One Sunday morning a minister and a choirboy were getting the church ready for mass. The minister prepared his sermon while the choirboy filled the holy water fountain.

Suddenly, the choirboy burst into the minister's room and yelled, "father father, I just saw the most amazing thing! I filled the holy water fountain. Then a man came in on crutches. He moved to the fountain, dipped his left hand in the holy water, blessed himself and threw away his left crutch. Then he dipped his right hand in the holy water, blessed himself and threw away his right crutch. Then he turned to me. .. and he took a step forward"!

The minister was awe struck by what he just heard. "My boy, he said, you just witnessed a miracle from God! Where's this man now?"

The Choirboy replies...
"flat on his face in front of the holy water fountain"!

Corruption is the favourite topic in the Central Hall of Parliament where reputations of the high and mighty are sold for the price of a subsidized masala dosa.
A recent corruption debate was summarized by a journalist to a friend in the following words:' What you give to the minister is a nazrana (offering); to an official a shukrana (thanksgiving); to the clerk a mehantana (work compensation) and to the chaprasi, baksheesh (tip).'
'But baksheesh does not rhyme with nazrana, shukrana and reduce mehantana,' the friend protested.
The journalist paused for a while, plucked a hair out of his sparse beard and replied:' In that case, call the chaprasi's share a shurooana (beginning) or card pahunchana, because he is the first to introduce you to the clerk, official and the minister.'

A rabbi and his two friends, a priest and a minister, played poker for small stakes once a week. The only problem was that they lived in a very conservative blue-law town. The sheriff raided their game and... took all three before the local judge.
After listening to the sheriff's story, the judge sternly inquired of the priest: "Were you gambling, Father?"
The priest looked toward heaven, whispered, "Oh, Lord, forgive me!" and then said aloud: "No, your honor, I was not gambling."
"Were you gambling, Reverend?" the judge asked the minister.
The minister repeated the priest's actions and said, "No, your honor, I was not."
Turning to the third clergyman, the judge asked: "Were you gambling, Rabbi?"
The rabbi eyed him coolly and replied, "With whom?"