Minister Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was this Punjabi minister (they do not always have to be sardarji) who, on the eve of his goodwill mission to Birmingham, was advised by his Tamilian secretary:' Sarr, be careful with your pronunciation of English words. Don't say diviyun, it is division, not "tallyviyyun, it is television, not maiyyur, it is measure.' And so on.
The minister made careful note of these tricky words. On arrival at Birmingham airport he was welcomed by the Lord Mayor of the city. The Punjabi minister, extending his hand, said,' How nice to meet you, Lord Measure!'

A rabbi, a priest and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks up and says, "What is this, a joke?"

A southern minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great expression, he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."
With even greater emphasis, he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."
And finally, he cried, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river." Sermon complete, he then sat down.
After a few moments, the song leader stood very cautiously and announced with a smile, "For our closing song, let us sing Hymn #365:' Shall We Gather at the River'."

Three men stood in line for confession. The first
guy stood up and said, "OH PLEASE FORGIVE ME!"
The minister asked what he did, "I ran over my
cat."
The minister said he was forgiven and to go drink
the holy water. Then the second guy walked up and
said, "OH PLEASE PLEASE FORGIVE ME!"
The minister asked what he did. "I killed my wife"
The minister said he was forgiven and to drink the
holy water. Then the third guy came up and said,
"OH PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE FORGIVE ME"
The minister asked what he did and he said, "I
peed in the holy water."

A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river.

He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?"

The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, Preacher, I sure am."

The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked. "Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk.

The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?" "Noooo, I have not, Reverend."

The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?"

The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher... "Are you more...

"The Biggest Lie"
A minister was passing a group of young teens sitting on the Church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing.
"Nothing much, Pastor," replied the one lad. "We're just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about their sex life."
"Boys! Boys! Boys!" intoned the minister, "I'm shocked.
When I was your age, I never even thought about sex at all."
The boys looked at each other and then all replied, pretty much in unison, "You win, Pastor!"

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.
Saint Peter addresses this guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"
The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi-driver, of Noo Yawk City."
Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi-driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
The taxi-driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years."
Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."
"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a taxi-driver and he gets a silken robe and more...