Minor Jokes / Recent Jokes

Legalese Night Before Christmas*

THE NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS in Legalese (Author unknown)

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.

A variety of foot apparel, e. g., stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter. The minor residents, i. e. the children, of the aforementioned House were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i. e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.

Whereupon the party of the first part more...

Computer Problem Report Form1. Describe your problem:________________________________________________________________2. Now, describe the problemaccurately:________________________________________________________________3. Speculate wildly about the causeof the problem:________________________________________________________________4. Problem Severity: A. Minor __ B. Minor __ C. Minor __ D. Trivial __5. Nature of the problem: A. Locked Up __ B. Frozen __ C. Hung __ D. Strange Smell __6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes __ No __7. Is it turned on? Yes __ No __8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes __ No __9. Have you made it worse? Yes __10. Have you had a friend who knowsall about computers. Try to fix itfor you? Yes __ No __11. Did they make it even worse? Yes __12. Have you read the manual? Yes __ No __13. Are you sure you've read the manual? Maybe __ No __14. Are you absolutely you'veread the manual? No __15. If you read the manual, do you thinkyou understood it? Yes __ No __16. more...

21 Reasons Why Star Wars Is Better Than Titanic"
1. The Titanic is big, but it doesn't have hyperdrive.
2. Yoda could use the Force to lift Titanic out of the water.
3. Leia is a princess, a senator, a freedom fighter, and Jedi material; Rose is just marriage bait.
4. Ewoks throw better parties than either first class or steerage.
5. When flying towards the Titanic, Wedge can't say, "Look at the size of that thing!" and really mean it.
6. It would be much scarier to get chased around the boat by a raving madman with a lightsaber as opposed to a handgun.
7. Titanic is egalitarian by portraying poor people as sympathetic characters.
Star Wars is egalitarian by promoting bug-eyed amphibians to Admiral.
8. Said bug-eyed amphibious Admiral manages NOT to lose his ship.
9. We know Cal is the bad guy because he sneers at the poor and treats his fiancee like property. We know Darth Vader is the bad guy because he strangles people and more...

No person shall sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange, display or possess living baby chicks, ducklings, or other fowl or rabbits which have been dyed or colored - nor dye or color any baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits - nor sell, exchange, offer to sell or exchange or to give away baby chicks, ducklings or other fowl or rabbits, under two months of age in any quantity less than six, except that any rabbit weighing three pounds or more may be sold at an age of six weeks. Any person who violates this section shall be fined not less than $100 nor more than $500. -KRS 436.600 (Passed 1966 Ky. Acts ch. 215, sec. 5.) It's illegal to fish in the Ohio River in Kentucky without an Indiana Fishing License. Any person who displays, handles or uses any kind of reptile in connection withany religious service or gathering shall be fined not less than fifty dollars ($50) nor more than one hundred dollars ($100). -KRS 437.060 (Passed 1942, from Ky. Stat. sec. 1267a-1.). All bees more...