Minute Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar.
He turned to the astonished patrons and said, 'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the alligator will close his mouth for one minute. He will then open his mouth and I'll remove my genitals unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.'
The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The alligator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The alligator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer.
'I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try.'
A hush more...

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

While standing in his field one day a farmer was approached by a little boy who asked, "Hey Mr farmer, I would like to get a bucket of milk from your Bull if you don't mind."

The farmer said, "Wait a minute son, you get milk from a cow not bulls."

"Not where I come from," said the boy. He goes away and comes back later with a bucket of milk.

The boy returns later saying, "Hey Mr farmer, I see you have a Honeysuckle patch at the end of your road, I'd like to get a bucket of honey if you don't mind."

The farmer says, "Wait a minute son, honey comes from bees not honeysuckles."

"Not where I come from", says the little boy. He goes away and returns later with the bucket of honey saying, "Thanks Mr farmer".

The farmer has a shocked look on his face as the little boy walks away. Shortly thereafter the little boy returns saying, "Hey Mr Farmer, I notice more...

Going to bed the other night, I noticed people in my shed, stealing things. I phoned the police but was told nobody was in the area to help. They said they would send someone over as soon as possible. I hung up.
A minute later, I phoned again. "Hello" I said, "I called you a minute ago because there were people in my shed. You don't have to worry now because I shot them."
Within minutes, there were half a dozen police cars in the area, plus helicopters and an armed response unit. They caught the burglars red-handed.
One of the officers said, "I thought you said you shot them." To which I replied, "I thought you said there was no one available."

ABC Stock reaches $155. $155 for a stock that should be valued at $100. Wow!!!!
That's it I say to myself. It's time I make that decision that all longs consider at one time or another. I am going to short my first stock. I am thinking to myself "This stock is overvalued. It can't sustain these levels. This is money in the bank. Guaranteed baby!!"
I phone my broker.
"How can I help you Mr. Junkie."
"I want to place a trade. I want to short 1000 share of ABC." After a few seconds he says,
"I am sorry Mr. Junkie. I can't process that for you. Your account is a cash account. You need a margin account to short a stock. I can send you the application or you could go to your nearest financial institution to fill out the forms."
I head out the door the minute I get off the phone because time was a wasting and as they say time is money. I run into the financial institution fill out the form and have a taxi deliver it more...

Mintoo: It Is So Cold In My Grandfather's Farm That The Minute We Milk Buffalo, It Turns Into Ice-Cream.
Chintoo: It So Warm In My Grandfather's Farm That The Minute The Hen Lays'it Comes Out Cooked.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend." Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars." "What does that tell you?" Watson pondered for a minute." Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?" Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "It tells me that someone has stolen our tent."