Miranda Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Revised Miranda Rights Version 3
You are under arrest and....
1. No, I don't care who you are.
2. No, I don't care who you know.
3. Yes, you DO pay my salary.
4. Yes, you CAN have my job.
5. No, I don't have anything better to do.
6. Yes, I DO arrest real criminals sometimes.
7. No, I am not picking on you because you are __________ (fill in any ethnic group/race).
8. No, I cannot give you a break.
9. No, I don't know your friend, Officer __________.
10. Yes, you will be allowed to make a phone call.
11. Yes, I'm sure you will never do it again.
12. No, we can't talk about it.
13. Yes, it DOES make me happy.
14. Yes, you WILL see me in court.
Thank you, have a nice day.
Your Arresting Officer __________

This is a TRUE story.
My momma, my little sister and me went to our neighbors house for the third of July last year, and after the fireworks,(when Mr. Chuck [The Dad] burned his hand on artillery shell.) it started gettin dark and we all heard a noise. The oldest son, Tony, (he graduated this year) the middle child, and my best friend, Miranda, and me decided to find out what it was. So we started off, me carryin the shoes, Miranda carryin the flashlight, and Tony carryin our only defense against the raging armydilla, a hammer...
Jordan Baker
Joaquin, Texas

1. You have the right to swing first. Anything you do can and will lead to an ass-kicking. 2. You have the right to have a priest and/or an EMT present at the time of the ass-kicking. 3. If you don't have a priest, one will be appointed free of charge, to read you your last prayer.
The Miranda Rights As Cops Would Really Like To Read Them...
1. No, I don't care who you are. 2. No, I don't care who you know. 3. Yes... you DO pay my salary. 4. Yes... you CAN have my job. 5. No, I don't have anything better to do. 6. Yes, I DO arrest real criminals sometimes. 7. No, I am not picking on you because you are _____________ (fill in some ethnic group/race). 8. No, I can't give you a break. 9. No, I don't know your friend, Officer ______. 10. Yes, you will be allowed to make a phone call. 11. Yes, I'm sure you will never do it again. 12. No, we can't talk about it. 13. Yes, it DOES make me happy. 14. Yes, you WILL see me in court.