Mirror Jokes / Recent Jokes

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full-length mirror taking a hard look at herself. "You know, dear," she says, "I look in the mirror, and I see an old woman. My face is all wrinkled, my hair is grey, my shoulders are hunched over, I`ve got fat legs, and my arms are all flabby." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself." He studies hard for a moment thinking about it and then says in a soft, thoughtful voice, "Well, there`s nothing wrong with your eyesight

A hip young man goes out and buys the best car available: a brand new Ferrari 550. It is also the most expensive car in the world, and it costs him $500, 000. He takes it out for a spin and stops for a red light. An old man on a Moped (about 75 years old) pulls up next to him.
The old man looks over at the sleek, shiny car and asks, " What kind of car ya'got there, sonny?".
The young man replies, " A Ferrari 550. It cost half a million dollars!"
" That's a lot of money," says the old man. " Why does it cost so much?"
" Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!" states the young dude proudly.
The moped driver asks, " Mind if I take a look inside?"
" No problem," replies the owner.
So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.
Then sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, "That's a pretty nice car, all right... but I'll stick with my Moped! more...

Q: Which story do all little witches love to hear at bedtime?
A: "Ghoul Deluxe and the Three Scares."
Q: Why do dragons sleep during the day?
A: So they can fight knights.
Q: Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
A: In a blood bank.
Q: How does a witch tell time?
A: She looks at her witch watch.
Q: Where can you see a real ugly monster?
A: In the mirror.
Q: When is it bad luck to see a black cat?
A: When you're a mouse.
Q: Why did the monster eat the caboose?
A: The locomotive told him to "Choo, choo."
Q: What's the best place for a mirror?
A: In a graveyard. It can double your mummy.
Q: What do you call a ghost in a torn sheet?
A: A holy terror.

After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy."
He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered his wife, Lizzy, didn't like his father.
So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it. Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn.
One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly bitch he's runnin' around with."

Why does a blond stand next to a mirror with her hands on her eyes?
She wants to see how she looks like when she is sleeping.

How did the blonde try to kill the bird... she threw it off of a cliff. How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves... she fell out of the tree. How did the blonde die, drinking milk... the cow stepped on her. How did the blonde burn her nose... bobbing for french fries. Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month... the instructions stated, "good for up to 20 pounds". Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops... so they can tell if they are going to work or going home, while on the bus. Why do men like blonde jokes... it is one thing they can understand. Why do blondes like lightning... they think someone is taking their picture. Why do blondes have little holes all over their faces... from eating with forks. Why do blondes have more fun... they are easier to keep amused. What do you call a brunette with a blonde on both sides... an interpreter. What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer... frosted flakes. What do you call a fly buzzing inside a more...

According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria,
BC recently was faced with a unique problem.

A number of grade 12 girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back.

Finally the principal decided that something had to be done.
She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required.

He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the more...