Miss Jokes / Recent Jokes
My brother was walking home one fine summer afternoon when he spotted
a young woman grieving over a pet dog that was recently struck by an
automobile. The pet had just finished dying at the distraught women's
feet...
Allen: "Miss?"
Woman: " Huh? "
Allen: "Miss, do you need a taxidermist?"
Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this. Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says. "Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher. "Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah. The neighbours' Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went "ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!", and before he could say "FUCK OFF!", the dog ate him!"
Little Johnny is sitting in a biology class, and the teacher says that aninteresting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no otheranimal in the world does this.Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says."Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher."Well, Miss, the other day I was playing with my cat on the verandah. The neighbours' Great Dane came around the corner, and my cat went "ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!", and before he could say "FUCK OFF!", the dog ate him!"
Little Johnny is sitting in biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.
Suddenly, Little Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.
"Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher.
"Well, Miss, just the other day I was playing with my cat on the porch. The neighbor's Rottweiler came around the corner, and my cat went "ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! ffffffffff!", and before he could say "Fuck Off!", the dog ate him."
A newly married sailor was informed by the navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year. A few weeks after he got there he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter. "My love," he wrote, "We are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I'm starting to miss you and there's really not much to do here in the evenings. Besides that we're constantly surrounded by young, attractive, native girls. Do you think if I had a hobby of some kind I would not get tempted?"
So his wife sent him back a harmonica saying, "why don't you learn to play this?"
Eventually his tour of duty came to an end and he rushed back to his wife.
"Darling" he said, "I can't wait to get you into bed so that we make passionate love!"
She kissed him and said, "First let's see you play that harmonica!"
December 14thDearest John: I went to the door today and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. What a delightful gift. I couldn't have been more surprised. With dearest love and affection, Agnes--------------------------------------December 15thDearest John: Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine, two turtle doves.... I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable. All my love, Agnes--------------------------------------December 16thDear John: Oh, aren't you the extravagant one! Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity. Three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist.... you're just too kind. Love Agnes---------------------------------------December 17thToday the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really! They are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough? You're being too romantic. Affectionately, Agnes----------------------------------------December 18thDearest John: What a surprise! Today more...
Teacher: Peter why are you dancing round like you have ants in your pants?
Peter: Because i need the toilet miss?
Teacher: I will let you go to the toilet if you recite your alphabet!
Peter: Ok miss
Teacher: Go on then say them
Peter: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O Q R S T U V W X Y Z!
Teacher: Peter wheres your P?
Peter: Half way down my leg miss!!