Miss Jokes / Recent Jokes

A newlywed sailor is informed by the navy that he’s going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the South Pacific for 2 years. A few weeks after he gets there he really starts to miss his new wife, so he writes her a letter.
"My darling," he writes, "it looks like we’re going to be apart for a very long time. Already I’m starting to miss you and we’re constantly surrounded by young, attractive native girls. The temptation’s terrible. I need some kind of hobby to keep my mind off them."
His wife sends him back a harmonica with a note reading, "Why don’t you learn to play this?"
Eventually his tour of duty comes to an end and he rushes back to his wife. "Darling" he says, "I can’t wait to get you into bed so that we can make passionate love!"
But she stops him with a wave of her hand. "First, let’s see how well you play that harmonica."

Mr. Perkins, the biology instructor at a posh suburban girl's junior college, said during class,' 'Miss Smythe, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions.''

Miss Smythe gasped, then said freezingly,' 'Mr. Perkins, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this.'' With that she sat down red-faced.

Unperturbed, Mr. Perkins called on Miss Johnson and asked the same question. Miss Johnson, with composure, replied,' 'The pupil of the eye, in dim light.''

''Correct,'' said Mr. Perkins.' 'And now, Miss Smythe, I have three things to say to you. One, you have not studied your lesson. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment.''

1. Try to use your dorm key to unlock your bedroom door.
2. Have your mom scan your ID card for meals.
3. Look for a tray to carry your dinner to the table with.
4. Walk two blocks to go to dinner.
5. Forget to dial the first three digits of your friend`s phone number.
6. Dial 9 when calling out of your house.
7. Use your calling card when calling your friends.
8. Walk to the post office to get your mail.
9. Yell "FLUSH!"
10. Jump out of the shower just in case someone does flush.
11. Try to latch the bathroom door because you think you`re in a stall.
12. Take all your shower items to and from your room.
13. Get dressed in the dark.
14. Go nuts looking for the quarter slots on the washing machine.
15. Make junk food runs at 11: 30 at night.
16. Make popcorn just because you miss the smell.
17. Order pizza every Friday night.
18. Have one of your friends spend the night because you can`t more...

Little miss muffet... sat on her tuffet... eating her kurds and way. Along came a spider, who sat down beside her, and said: "hey, whats in the bowl bitch?!"

1. If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will
a) die
a) join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.

1. Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be sustained. Else, it will be overruled.

1. The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend (i. e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within the first 30 minutes, and commit suicide.

1. In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot.

1. When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never
a) miss
a) run out of bullets.
When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless the hero is required to die).
1. Any fight sequence shall take place in the vicinity of a stack of
a) pots
a) barrels
a) glass bottles, more...

C. L. I. C. K. means:
C= cant live without u
L= love u
I= i miss u
C= care about u
K= kiss from my heart 2 u
So whenever u miss me just say CLICK

Party photos of another Miss America contestant have surfaced. The pictures reportedly show Katie Rees (Miss Nevada 2007) exposing her breasts, passionately kissing other young women, and simulating oral sex with females and a male.
Earlier this month, Rees was the guest of honor at a Special Olympics bowling tournament and last month attended an event for underprivileged children.

Tickets are sold out for Miss Nevada's upcoming charity appearance at the Make-A-Wish foundation.