Miss Jokes / Recent Jokes

Little Johnny goes to school, and the teacher says," Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class.
Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"
Little Johnny waves his hand,' Me, Miss Rogers, me, me!'
Miss Rogers:' All right, little Johnny, what is your multi-syllable word?'
Little Johnny says,' Mas-tur-bate.'
Miss Rogers smiles and says,' Wow, little Johnny, that's a mouthful.'
Little Johnny says,' No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blow-job".

I married Miss Right.I just didn't know her first name was Always.

A woman was suing a man for defamation of character, charging that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined.
After the trial, he asked the Judge, "Does this mean that I can't call Miss Stuart a pig? The Judge said that was accurate.
"Does this also mean that I can't call a pig 'Miss Stuart'?" the man asked. The Judge told the man that he could indeed call a pig 'Miss Stuart' with no fear of legal action.
The man then looked Miss Stuart directly in the eye and said, "Good afternoon, Miss Stuart!"

whats long green and slimy and smells like miss piggy? KERMETS FINGERS

Seventy Six Neutrons
(Tune, Seventy Six Trombones)

Seventy six lithe neutrons swayed on Cesium's bar,
Half a hundred and ten bold protons...

Hold it! Hold it!. That's Cesium 131. Half life only about 9. 69 days.
Let's go for immortality here. Worth a shot anyway...

Seventy Eight Neutrons
(Tune, Seventy Six Trombones)

Seventy eight lithe neutrons swayed on Cesium's bar,
Half a hundred and ten bold protons joined the press.
And the eletronettes were a-whirling in duets,
All but one, the singular miss Six S.

Seventy eight nubile neutrons writhed in close array,
Half a hundred and ten lusty protons swelled the crowd.
And the electron pairs played blue photonic airs,
From within a shining quantum cloud.

There were pions, muons, quarks and other fermions,
Tunneling, tunneling, in a state of partial dress.
' Till an oily bit of water came a wandering,
And miss more...

A blonde's house is on fire so she runs outside to use a payphone to call for help. She gets the 911 operator, and gets transferred to the firehouse. "Mr. Fireman, my house is on fire, you have to help me!" The Fireman replies, "Yes, yes, Miss, how do I get to your house?"
The blonde pauses a moment, and replies, "Umm, it's the house that's on fire." Realizing he is now talking to a blonde, the fireman comes back with, "No, Miss, how would you like me to get to your house?" to which the blonde replies, "Duh, big red truck!"

body: A traveling salesman visits a small town in the Midwest and sees a circus banner reading: "Don't Miss The Amazing Italian." Curious, he buys a ticket.
The tent goes dark. Suddenly, trumpets blare and all eyes turn to the center ring. There, spot lit in the center ring is table with three walnuts on it.
Standing next to it is an old retired Italian. Suddenly the old man unzips his pants, whips out a huge penis and smashes all three walnuts with three mighty swings! The crowd erupts in applause as the elderly Italian is carried off on the shoulders of the crowd.
Ten years later the salesman visits the same little town and he sees a faded sign for the same circus and the same: "Don't Miss the Amazing Italian." He can't believe the old guy is still alive much less still doing his act! So he buys a ticket.
Again, the center ring is illuminated. This time, instead of walnuts, three coconuts are placed on the table. The Italian stands before more...