Misses Jokes / Recent Jokes

A priest and a lawyer go golfing. The lawyer goes first. He takes careful aim, swings, and misses. He says, "Damn it, I missed!" The priest says, "Do not say that or God will strike you down."
On the next hole the lawyer takes careful aim, swings, and misses. He says, "Damn it, I missed!" The priest says, "If you say that one more time God will strike you down."
On the third hole the lawyer takes careful aim, swings, and misses. He says, "Damn it, I missed!" Suddenly a huge lightning bolt comes down from the sky and hits the priest. And then a big voice from above says, "DAMN IT, I MISSED!"

One day there are two priests playing golf, the first one of them is putting fo the hole but misses by an inch. He Says "
Damn missed the bugger!"
The other says "
don't speak that language, your a priest!"
So they go on to the next hole and he misses again, he says "
Missed the bugger"
The other says "
don't speak that language, your a priest!"
This keeps on happening for a few more holes, until the second priest is so frustrated and angry he throws his club down on the ground and yells "
If you say that one more time I swear God will strike you down!"
So on the next hole the first one just misses and he says "
Damn, missed the bugger!"
Then they hear this great rumbling in the sky and the second one is hit by lightning.
Then God says "
Missed the bugger!!!"

A priest and a sailor are playing golf together, the sailor steps up to hit his ball, he takes a swing and misses and he says"FUCK I MISSED" the priest says to him "my son, if you swear god will punish you". The sailor takes another swing misses again and says "fuck, i missed" the priest replies "i told you my son if you curse god will punish you"
They eventually get to the green, the sailor putts the ball and barely misses the hole and again the sailor says "fuck I missed" and suddenly athuncer bolt shoots down and hits the priest and kills him and a powerful and deep voice says "AH FUCK I MISSED"

A priest and doctor were out golfing. The doctor gets up to take his first shot. He swings and misses the ball completely.
"God dammit, I missed," says the doctor.
The sky starts to darken a bit becoming overcast.
"Don't use the Lord God's name in vain," says the priest.
"I am sorry, Father," replies the doctor.
The doctor steps up again to tee off and misses the ball once again.
"God dammit, I missed," says the doctor.
The sky darkens even more and a low rumble resounds throughout the land.
"Don't use the Lord God's name in vain," says the priest.
"I am sorry, Father," replies the doctor.
Once again, the doctor tries to take a swing at the ball and completely misses. He throws his club to the ground and yells, "God dammit, I missed."
The heavens roared and the storm erupted, sending a lightning bolt down and straight into the priest, which struck him dead.
Then a more...

A priest and doctor were out golfing. The doctor gets up to take his first shot. He swings and misses the ball completely."God dammit, I missed," says the doctor.The sky starts to darken a bit becoming overcast."Don't use the Lord God's name in vain," says the priest."I am sorry, Father," replies the doctor.The doctor steps up again to tee off and misses the ball once again."God dammit, I missed," says the doctor.The sky darkens even more and a low rumble resounds throughout the land."Don't use the Lord God's name in vain," says the priest."I am sorry, Father," replies the doctor.Once again, the doctor tries to take a swing at the ball and completely misses. He throws his club to the ground and yells, "God dammit, I missed."The heavens roared and the storm erupted, sending a lightning bolt down and straight into the priest, which struck him dead.Then a booming voice arose from the sky and said, "Dammit, I more...

Just after I got married, I decided to have a night with "the boys." I told the misses that I would be home by midnight... promise! Well, the yarns were being spun and the grog was going down easy, and at around 3 a. m. full as a boot, I went home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock started, and cuckooed 3 times. Quickly I realized she'd probably wake up, so I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself, having the quick wittedness, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict. The next morning the misses asked me what time I got in and I told her 12 o'clock. Whew! Got away with that one! She then told me that we needed a new cuckoo clock. When I asked her why she said "Well, it cuckooed 3 times, said' shit,' cuckooed another 4 times, farted, cuckooed another 3 times, cleared its throat, and cuckooed twice then giggled."

A guy walks into a bar.He bets the bartender $150 that he could toss a half-dollar coin into a shot glass all the way on the other side of ther bar.The bartender takes the bet.
The guy tosses the coin and he misses.So he pays the bartender $150.
The same guy comes back the next day and he said to the bartender that that half-dollar coin was to big to fit in the shot glass.So the bartender said try it with a quarter.The bet is on $150 if he can toss the quater in the shott glass all the way on the other side of the room.He tosses the coin and he misses.So he pays the bartender.
So he starts to drink and drink and drink till he is WASTED! So he bets the bartender $300 double or nothing that he could PISS in the shot glass across the room.So he wipps out his penis and just starts pissing everywhere on the walls on the floor and even on the bartender.
So the bartender is on the ground laughing his nutts off and he says to the guy you are the biggest fool I have ever more...