Mixed Jokes / Recent Jokes

What’s the definition of mixed emotions? When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your brand new car.

How do you know when a Blonde has had a mixed up day?
When there is a tampon behind her ear and she is looking for a pencil.

These translations are for all of you wonderful women out there, so that you will know what we really mean when we say..."IT'S A GUY THING"Translated: * "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical." "CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?" Translated: * "Why isn't it already on the table?" "UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR"Translated: * Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response." IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"Translated: * "I have no idea how it works." "TAKE A BREAK, HONEY. YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD." Translated: * "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner." "THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR." Translated: * "Are you still talking?" "YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS." Translated: * "I remember the theme song to' F Troop,' the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the vehicle more...

Teacher: Kumud Please Tell Me That 2 Potatoes, 4 Bringles, 3 Carrots Makes? Kumud: Mixed Vegetable Mam!

Arbitrator ar'-bi-tray-ter: A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's. Avoidable uh-voy'-duh-buhl: What a bullfighter tries to do. Baloney uh-lo'-nee: Where some hemlines fall. Bernadette urn'-a-det: The act of torching a mortgage. Burglarize ur'-gler-ize: What a crook sees with. Counterfeiters kown-ter-fit-ers: Workers who put together kitchen cabinets. Eclipse e-klips': What an English barber does for a living. Eyedropper i'-drop-ur: A clumsy ophthalmologist. Heroes hee'-rhos: What a guy in a boat does. Left Bank left' bangk': What the robber did when his bag was full of loot. Misty mis'-tee: How golfers create divots. Paradox par'-uh-doks: Two physicians. Parasites par'-uh-sites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower. Pharmacist farm'-uh-sist: A helper on the farm. Polarize po'-lur-ize: What penguins see with.

What is the definition of mixed emotions? Seeing my mother in law back off a cliff in my new car.

A couple was taking classes before getting married and they reviewed the laws for couples. The rabbi put a lot of emphasis on staying away from mixed dancing parties. He claimed it to be a huge sin and to stay away.
A few sessions later they were learning about laws of family and sex. The groom asked, "is all types of sex permitted?" The rabbi replied some are questionable, he had to be specific. The groom asked, "Is military position o.k.?" the rabbi said, " yes perfect."
"How about woman on top?"
"Yes, fine" replied the rabbi.
In a chair?"
No problem." He answered.
Standing up?
The Rabbi got angry and said, " No way, no how...it may lead to mixed dancing!