Modern Jokes / Recent Jokes

Joe and Bill are working in a sawmill when Bill accidentally saws his arm off. Joe takes the arm, puts it in a plastic bag, and takes Joe to hospital. The next day, Joe finds Bill in rehab playing tennis. Wow, the wonders of modern science,"
Joe says. They go back to the sawmill and are sawing away when this time clumsy Bill cuts his leg. Joe takes the leg, puts it in a plastic bag, and sends Bill to the hospital. The next day, Joe finds Bill playing football. "
Wow, the wonders of modern science,"
Joe says. They go back to work and this time Bill leans too far forward and cuts his head off. Joe takes the head, puts it in a plastic bag and rushes to the hospital. The next day, Joe visits and find no sign of Bill. "
Where's Bill?"
he asks an orderly. "
We could have saved him,"
the orderly replied,"
but some idiot put his head in a plastic bag - and the poor guy suffocated."

To really succeed in a business or organization, it is sometimes helpful to know what your job is, and whether it involves any duties. Ask among your coworkers.
"Hi," you should say. "I'm a new employee. What is the name of my job?"
If they answer "long-range planner" or "lieutenant governor," you are pretty much free to lounge around and do crossword puzzles until retirement. Most jobs,
however, will require some work.
There are two major kinds of work in modern organizations:
1. Taking phone messages for people who are in meetings, and,
2. Going to meetings.
Your ultimate career strategy will be to get a job involving primarily No. 2, going to meetings, as soon as possible, because
that's where the real prestige is. It is all very well and good to be able to take phone messages, but you are never going to get a position of power, a position where you can cost thousands of people their jobs with a single more...

To really succeed in a business or organization, it is sometimes helpful to know what your job is, and whether it involves any duties. Ask among your coworkers. "Hi," you should say. "I'm a new employee. What is the name of my job?" If they answer "long-range planner" or "lieutenant governor," you are pretty much free to lounge around and do crossword puzzles until retirement. Most jobs,
however, will require some work.There are two major kinds of work in modern organizations:1. Taking phone messages for people who are in meetings, and, 2. Going to meetings.Your ultimate career strategy will be to get a job involving primarily No. 2, going to meetings, as soon as possible, because
that's where the real prestige is. It is all very well and good to be able to take phone messages, but you are never going to get a position of power, a position where you can cost thousands of people their jobs with a single bonehead decision, unless you more...

Brilliant's Observation On Modern Art: Not all our artists are playing a joke on the public. Some are genuinely mad.

The following is a list of modern curses, curses appropriate to the modern times, because the old ones are no longer relevant. People will appreciate being cursed with curses with which they can personally identify.
May your personal organizer crash
May you be always stuck in rush hour
May hackers use your name
May Revenue Canada (or the I.R.S.) do an audit
May your diet fail
May your liposuction oversuck
May your hair fall out, and your teeth fall in
May your children be academically minded and stay at school forever
May traffic officers hate you
May your accountant be honest
May your children sue, grabbit and run
May your opposite gender boss desire you
May your air conditioning fail
May your laptop crash
May a computer take over your wife
May your mechanic be incompetent
May you be flammed of the net
May your dog eat your remote
May the save function always fail
May global warming flood your beach more...