Mom Jokes / Recent Jokes

Hampden was a boy of 9, BUT a vey corrupted 1 at that. Though he hated to goto school, lately he attended all his classes due to his sexy class teacher. One day the class teacher told ever one that the class was going on a trip on saturday. Naturally, Hampden was exited.
Then, on the day of the trip, while on their way, the vehicle broke down and the group had to spend the night away from home. Hampden, realising his chance, started crying in the middle of the night. The teacher inquired why, and Hampden answered promptly saying "i sleep with my mom at night". so the teacher asked him to come and sleep next to her. Then, a little later, Hampden started crying again and the teacher inquired why and Hampden replied "when i sleep at home, i put my finger inside my mom's belly button(BURIYA)". So the teacher told hampden that he could put his finger in her belly button.
A little while later the teacher shakes hampden and says "Hampden, that's not my more...

A 13 year-old boy comes home from school and his mom ask how was his day was. He replies, "I had sex with my teacher today."

"Oh my god! You get to your room! Wait for your father to get home!" says the mom.

Awhile later the father comes home and the mom says, "Go up to your son's room and talk to him, he's been really bad today. Dad goes up to his son's room and asks why mom is so mad.

"I told her that I had sex with my teacher today," replied the boy.

"Alright! That's my boy!", says dad. "Ya know son, women just don't think like men. But I'm proud of you. What are you now, about 13, right? Wow. That's my son! Ya know what? I'm so proud of you I'm gonna take you out and buy you that new bike you've been wanting!"

So the dad and his son go out and buy the nicest, reddest, shiniest bike in the whole town. "You gonna ride it home son?" asks dad.

The boy more...

Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.

The first said, "I built a big house for our mother."

The second said," I sent her a Mercedes with a driver."

The third smiled and said, "I've got you, both beat. You know how Mom enjoys the Bible, and you know she can't see very well. I sent her a parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took 20 monks in a monastery 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge to contribute $100, 000. 00 a year for 10 years, but it was worth it. Mom just has to name the chapter and verse, and the parrot will recite it."

Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her letters of thanks:

"Milton," she wrote the first son, "The house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house."

"Marvin," she wrote to more...

To stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nails, her mother tells her it'll make her fat.? I won't do it any more, Mom," says the daughter. Next day they are out walking when they meet a very fat man.? If I bite my fingernails, I'll be as fat as that, won't I Mom?"? You'll be fatter than that," says her mother. They get on a bus, and sitting opposite them is a very pregnant lady. The little girl can't take her eyes off the woman's belly. The pregnant lady feels increasingly uncomfortable under this stare, and finally leans forward and says to the little girl,? Excuse me, but do you know me?" And the little girl says,? No, but I know what you've been doing..."Sent by Max

On their third night after the wedding, the two blissful newlyweds shut off the lights and crawl under the covers. Turning amorously towards his bride, he tenderly informs his wife that tonight he wants a hand job instead of the usual stuff.

She, being the proper girl that she is, had absolutely no idea what a "hand job" was. So, she gets out of bed, puts on her robe and heads for the phone to call her mom. "Mom," she says, "My new hubby wants a hand job and I don't know what he means."

"Oh, Honey," says her mother, "that's real simple. Just grab his thing and shake it like you were trying to get ketchup out of a bottle."

"Gee, Mom, that's easy enough," she replies. So she hangs up the phone, removes her robe and crawls back into the sack. She snuggles up to her lover, grabs his thing firmly with one hand and starts beating the end with the other.

Following are answers given by elementary school-age children to the given questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She's the only one who knows where the Scotch Tape is.
2. Think about it. It was the best way to get more people.
3. Mostly to clean the house.
4. To help us out of there when we were getting born.

How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic, plus super powers, and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We are related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms like me.

What ingredients are mothers made of?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they mostly use string. I more...

Yo Mama is so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her!