Mom Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mother: Dont Play The Exams Are Knocking At The Door. Son: Please Dont Open The Door Mom

A mother and daughter are sitting down over afternoon tea. The mother wants to show her daughter that she's a hip parent and tries to get her daughter to open up and talk about dating boys and what it's like for her. Mom: So.... now that you have started dating, what's it like getting intimate with young men? Daughter: Oh you know how it is, boys are always insensitive and never care if intimacy isn't working for me. Mom: How? Daughter: Oh, stuff.... Mom: Really now, you can trust me. I think that its important for mothers and daughters to talk about these matters... Daughter: I don't know..... Mom: Now don't forget, I was a teenager once and I can remember what dating boys was like for me, believe I remember Daughter: Really? Mom: Really... Daughter: Ok, for starters, how did you get their cum out of your eyes?

There was a boy playing in the farm field when his mom called him in for breakfast. On his way in he kicked a cow, pig, and a chicken. So when he gets to the table he sees a dry bowl of cereal. "What's the deal?" he asks. His mom says " You kicked the cow so no milk for you, you kicked the pig so no bacon for you, and you kicked the chicken so no eggs for you." Then his father walks into the kitchen and accidentally kicked the cat. The the boy says "Do you want me to tell him or should you?"

A little blonde girl comes back from school one evening.
She runs to her mum and says: "Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10! It's good, innit?"
"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.
"Is that because I'm blonde?" she asks.
"Yes, darling, it's because you're blonde." The mom says.
Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: "Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K! It's good, innit?"
"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.
"Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?" she asks.
"Yes, darling it's because you're blonde." The mom says.
Next Day, she returns from school and cries: "Mummy, today we went swimming. Well, all the other girls have no more...

Nasty Mommy Mommy Jokes
son: Mommy Mommy! why are you moaning?
mom: Shut up and keep licking.
son: Daddy, Daddy, what's a transvestite?
dad: Shut up and unhook my bra.
son: Mommy, Mommy, what's an orgasm?
mom: I don't know dear, ask your father.
daughter: Mommy, Mommy! Why don't I have a big thing like Daddy's between my legs?
mom: You will when you're older, dear!
son: Mommy, Mommy, I don't wanna be a daddy
mom: Shut up and get in bed.
son: Mommy, Mommy! Can I get pregnant?
mom: Of course not dear, you are only seven years old.
son: Daddy, Daddy what is incest?
dad: Shut up and suck.
son: Mommy! Mommy! What's oral sex?
mom: mmmrmmph mumble mumble mmhhh mmrph mmumble!
son: Mommy, Mommy! Why does Daddy's dick taste so bad?
mom: Shut up and give your sister another tampon.

One day a little boy gets on a bus and sits behind the bus driver.
He starts saying things like, "If my Mom was a hen and my dad was a rooster, I would be a little rooster," the bus driver said shut up!
Still the boy went on... "If my Mom was a female elephant and my dad was a male elephant, I would be a little male elephant," the bus driver said shut up!
Still the boy went on... "If my Mom was a female dog and my dad was a male dog, I would be a little male dog."
The bus driver got so mad, and asked, "If your Mom was a prostitute, and your dad was a homo, what would you be?"
The boy answered, "A bus driver!

Yo mama so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.