Mom Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling,' 'If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.'' The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with,' 'If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.'' The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid,' 'What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!'' The kid smiles and says,' 'I would be a bus driver!''

Betty was scribbling industriously over some paper with a pencil when her mother asked her what she was drawing.

"I'm not drawing, Mom," she said indignantly, "I'm writing a letter to Fred."

"But you can't write," Mom pointed out.

"That's all right," said Betty, "Fred can't read."

A couple took their young son for his first visit to the circus,
and by chance their seats were next to the elephant pen. When his father left to buy popcorn, the boy piped up, "Mom, what's that long thing on the elephant?"
"That's the elephant's trunk, dear," she replied.
"No, not that."
"Oh, that's the elephant's tail."
"No, Mom. Down underneath."
His mother blushed and said, "Oh, that's nothing."
Pretty soon the father returned, and the mother went off to get
a soda. As soon as she had left the boy repeated his question.
"That's the elephant's trunk, son."
"Dad, I know what an elephant's trunk is. The thing at the other end."
"Oh, that's the elephant's tail."
"No. Down there."
The father took a good look and explained, "That's the elephant's
penis."
"Dad, how come when I asked Mom, she said it more...

Hubby: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why? Wife: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears. Hubby: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you? Wife: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?" __________________________________________Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden. Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well, that's because we aren't married yet! __________________________________________Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady. Mom: Well, you have done the right thing. Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap! __________________________________________Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?" Husband to wife: more...

Q: Which sexual position produces the ugliest
children?
A: Ask your mom.
Q: What is the quickest way to clear out a men's
restroom?
A: Say, "Nice dick."
Q: How do you know you're leading a sad life?
A: When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be
friends."
Q: What do you get when you cross Billy Ray Cyrus and
a yeast
infection?
A: An itchy, twitchy twat.
Q: Are birth control pills deductible?
A: Only if they don't work.
Q: What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy
boob?
A: If we don't get some support soon, people are going
to think we're
nuts.
Q: Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love?
A: Because they have cotton balls.
Q: Mom's have Mother's Day, Father's have Father's
Day. What do single
guys
have?
A: Palm Sunday
Q: Why is being in the military like a blowjob?
A: The closer you get to discharge, the better more...

Three sons left home to make their fortunes, and they all did very, very well for themselves. They got together recently and were discussing what they each had done to benefit their aging mother.
"Well," said the first one, "I bought Mom a huge house in Beverly Hills."
"I bought her a Mercedes and hired a full-time driver for her."
"I've got you both beat," said the third. "I bought her a miraculous parrot that can recite any Bible verse you tell it to."
A little later, the mother sent out a thank you letter to all three sons. "Gerald -- the house you bought was too big. I only live in one room, but I have to clean the entire house. Milton -- the car is useless because I don't go anywhere because I'm too old. But Robert -- you know exactly what I like. The chicken was delicious."

A new neigbour arrives. The kids meet. The local kid:"My mom was born in California! Where was your mom born?" The other kid answers, "Alaska". The first one replies:"Gee, then don't worry about it... I'll ask'er myself!"