Mom Jokes / Recent Jokes

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver. The little kid starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull." The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continued with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant."
The kid went on with several animals until the bus driver got angry and yelled at the kid, "What if your dad was a serial killer and your mom was a prostitute?!"
The kid smiled and said, "I would be a bus driver!"

Your mom so stupid that when i passed by your house and i kicked your fence your mom came out barking.

A blonde goes into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland. The man tells her it will be $300. She exclaims, "I don't have any money, but I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!!!"To that the man asks, "Anything??" And the blonde says, "Yes, anything!!"With that, the man says, "Follow me." He walks into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door." She does. He then says, "Get on your knees." She does. He then says, "Take down my zipper." She does. He then says, "Go ahead, take it out." With that she takes it out and takes hold of it with both hands. The man then says, "Well, go ahead!"She brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips, she says, "Hello... Mom?"

Mom: Fred, there were two chocolate cakes in the larder yesterday, and now theres only one. Why? Fred: I dont know. It must have been so dark I didnt see the other one.

A father came home from a long business trip to find his son riding a new 21 speed mountain bike.
"Where did you get the money for the bike? It must have cost $300," he asked.
"Easy, Dad," little Johnny replied. "I earned it hiking."
"Come on Johnny," the father said. "Tell me the truth."
"That is the truth!" Johnny replied.
"Every night you were gone, Mom's boss, Mr. Reynolds, would come over to see Mom. He'd give me a $20 bill and tell me to take a hike!"

Little Johnny came into the kitchen where his mother was making

dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a

good time to tell his mother what he wanted.



"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Johnny was a bit of

a troublemaker. He had gotten into trouble at school and at home.

Johnny's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike

for his birthday.



Little Johnny, of course, thought he did.

Johnny's mother wanted Johnny to reflect on his behavior over

the last year. "Go to your room, Johnny, and think about how

you have behaved this year.

Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike

for your birthday." Little Johnny stomped over to his room and

sat down to write God a letter.



Letter 1:

Dear God,

I have been more...

What does a monster mom say to her kids at dinnertime? Dont talk with someone in your mouth.