Monk Jokes / Recent Jokes

A monastery perched high upon a cliff and the only access to reach it was by way of riding in a basket which several monks hauled up to the top.Obviously the ride over the rocky jagged terrain was steep, and in a wicker basket, terrifying to all but the naively fearless.One visitor, however, got exceedingly nervous. Roughly halfway up he saw that the rope by which he was being hauled was rather frayed and splitting. Shaking in his boots but unable to move, he frantically asked the monk who was seated next to him how often they changed the rope.Thinking for a moment, the monk answered, "Whenever it breaks."

There were four Buddhist monks who played instruments and chanted everyday. One fine morning, a lady in a mini skirt went into the temple to pray. When the lady knelt down to pray, one of the chanting monks saw the lady tsao k'ng (i. e. exposing herself accidentally). The monk was shocked to see that the woman was not wearing any panties! He felt he had to share this valuable insight with his fellow monks, but also did not wish to alert the lady. So he began chanting the message: "Wu lang bo chin nai ko....(Someone's not wearing panties...)" The monk beside him was playing a tambourine, and he thumped this response: "Ti-to-lok, ti-to-lok (Where? Where?)" The third monk, playing a horn, replied: "Duuu... Duuu........(There! There!)" Finally, the last and the most righteous monk, sounded his cymbals in disgust: "Ti ti kua... ti ti kua! (Still peeping! Still peeping!)"

One day, two monks were in the vaults of the monastery going through the old scrolls.
"You see, there are the originals," said the first monk. "All the new scrolls were copied from these."
"Can I see one?"
"Sure. This is one outlines the rules for monkdom . . " All of a sudden, the monk's face turns white and he falls to his knees.
"What? What does it say?"
"Celebrate. IT SAYS CELEBRATE!"

A man's car broke down as he was driving past a beautiful, old monastery. He walked up the drive and knocked on the front door of the monastery. A monk answered, listened to the man's story and graciously invited him to spend the night. The monks fed the man and led him to a tiny chamber in which to sleep.The man thanked the monks and slept serenely until he was awakened by a strange sound.The next morning, as the monks repaired his car, he asked about the sound that woke him. The monks said, "We're sorry. We can't tell you about the sound... You're not a monk." The man was disappointed, but eager to be gone, so he thanked the monks for their kindness and went on his way.During quiet moments afterward, the man pondered the source of the alluring sound.Several years later, the man was driving in the same area. He stopped at the monastery on a whim and asked admittance. He explained to the monks that he had so enjoyed his previous stay, he wondered if he might be permitted to more...

At a remote monastery deep in the woods, the monks followed a rigid vow of silence. This vow could only be broken once a year on Christmas, by one monk, and the monk could speak only one sentence.

One Christmas, Brother Thomas had his turn to speak and said, "I love the delightful mashed potatoes we have every year with the Christmas roast!" Then he sat down. Silence ensued for 365 days.

The next Christmas, Brother Michael got his turn, and said, "I think the mashed potatoes are lumpy and I truly despise them!" Once again, silence ensued for 365 days.

The following Christmas, Brother Paul rose and said, "I am fed up with this constant bickering!"

An American tourist was visiting a temple in Singapore when he noticed two statues, a man and a woman by the altar. He asked the monk what was the significance of the two. The monk explained that in the Chinese system of yin and yang, positives must always be balanced by negatives, and having the two statues ensures that the universal balance was maintained. "This statue of the woman is the Goddess of Mercy, Kuan-Yin." "What about the other one?" asked the tourist. "This one is the God of No Mercy, Kuan-Yew."

Two Monks were walking meditatively in a forest in India. When they reached a puddle of water they noticed a young woman struggling to cross that water.
One monk carried her across the water to the other side. Then both monks rached the monestry in the afternoon. The elder monk said, "Brother it's against our rule to touch a female and I am still thinking what you did over there.
The reply from the younger monk was, "Having carried the female, I left her at the bank and forgot her, but you are sill carrying her!"