Monkey Jokes / Recent Jokes

Why'd the monkey fall outta the tree?' cause he was dead... Why'd the other monkey fall outta the tree?' cause he was dead too... Why'd the third monkey fall outta the tree? peer pressure...

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, somehow swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?"

The guy says "No, what?"

He just ate the cue ball off my pool table-whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry.

I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar more...

A guy walks in to a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking the monkey jumps all around the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them. Then he grabs some sliced limes and eats them. Then he jumps on to the pool table, grabs one of the billiard balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone’s amazement, and somehow swallows it whole.
The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey did? ”
The guy says, “No, what? ”
“He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole! ”
“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me, ” replied the guy. “He eats everything in sight, the little bastard. Sorry. I’ll pay for everything. ”
The man finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate and leaves.
Two weeks later, he’s in the bar again, and his pet monkey is with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is finishing his drink, more...

There were 4 monkeys in a tree.
Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree?
- It died.
Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?
- It was tied on to the first monkey.
Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?
- It got hit by the first two.
Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?
- Peer pressure.

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed.
As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.
The officer looked down at the monkey and said, "I wish you could talk."
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.
"You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.
Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.
"Well, did you see this?"
"Yes," motioned the monkey.
"What happened?"
The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
"They were drinking?" asked the officer.
The monkey shakes his head "Yes."
"What else?"
The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
"They were smoking marijuana?"
The monkey shakes his head "Yes."
"What more...

There were 4 monkeys in a tree.Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree?- It died.Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree?- It was tied on to the first monkey.Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree?- It got hit by the first two.Why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree?- Peer pressure.

A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car. The officer looked down at the monkey and said "I wish you could talk." The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down. "You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer. Again, the monkey shook his head up and down."Well, did you see this?""Yes," motioned the monkey."What happened?"The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth."They were drinking?" asked the officer."Yes.""What else?"The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth."They were smoking marijuana?""Yes.""What else?"The monkey motioned "Screwing.""They were screwing, too?" asked the astounded officer."Yes." "Now more...