Months Jokes / Recent Jokes

A doctor told his patient that his test results indicated that she had a rare disease and had only six months to live.
"That's such a short amount of time, doctor. Isn't there anything I can do?" pleaded the patient.
"Marry a lawyer," the doctor advised. "It will be the longest six months of your life."

On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heaven's gate waiting on St.Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.
The couple sits for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder, "Are we stuck together forever?"
St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."
"Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"
St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the more...

On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heaven's gate waiting on St.Peter to do an intake. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves.The couple sits for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder, "Are we stuck together forever?"St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "You can get married in Heaven.""Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground!"What's more...

A lady goes to the doctor to see about getting a facelift.
"Well," says the doctor, "I can do the facelift, and then you'll have
to come back in six months for a follow-up."
"Oh, no." the woman replies. "I want it all done in one shot. I
don't want to have to come back."
The doctor thinks for a second, then offers, "There is a new
procedure where we put a screw in the top of your head. Then anytime
you see wrinkles appearing, you just give it a little turn, which
pulls the skin up, and they disappear."
"That's what I want!" exclaims the lady. "Let's do that."
Six months later the lady charges into the doctor's office.
"Well, how's the procedure holding up?" the doctor asks.
"Terrible!" the lady bellows. "It's the worst mistake I've ever
made."
"What's wrong?" asks the doctor.
"Just look at these more...

So the doctor tells the patient he's got only six months to live. But the patient doesn't pay his bill on time, so the doctor giveshim another six months.

Betty and Tim were killed in an auto accident on the eve of their wedding. When they reached the pearly gates, St Peter met them. They asked if they could still be married in Heaven.' Well, let me find out if this is possible. Stay there and I will be right back.' Six months passed and finally Peter returned.' Yes, we can do this for you.'
The couple replied,' Well as we have spent so much time together waiting for your answer, we need to know that if things don't work out, is there a possiblity that we could be divorced if the marriage doesn't work out?'
To this St Peter answered,' It took me six months to find a priest up here... how long do you think it will take me to find a lawyer!

My buddy just moved to Alaska. He said the first six months of daylight is awesome. The second six months, the vampire problem is completely out of control.