Morris Jokes / Recent Jokes

At 85 years of age, a somewhat senile Morris marries Luanne, a lovely 25-year-old. Because her new husband is so old, Luanne decides that on their wedding night, she and Morris should have separate bedrooms. The newlywed is concerned that her new husband may over exert himself if they spend the entire night together. After the wedding festivities, Luanne prepares herself for bed, and for the expected "knock" on the door. Sure enough, the knock comes, the door opens, and there is her 85-year-old groom, ready for action. They unite as one. All goes well, whereupon Morris takes leave of Luanne, and she prepares to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Luanne hears another knock on her bedroom door. It's Morris! And he's again ready for more action. Somewhat surprised, Luanne consents to further coupling. When the newlyweds are done, Morris kisses Luanne, bids her a fond good night, and leaves. Luanne is set to go to sleep again. However, after a few short minutes, there is another more...

The waiter
Benjamin and Morris are sitting in a wonderful Kosher restaurant in Hendon.
They are talking among themselves in Yiddish. A Chinese waiter comes up and in fluent and impeccable Yiddish asks them if everything is okay, can he get them anything, and so forth. Benjamin and Morris are dumbfounded.
"My God, where did he learn such perfect Yiddish?" they both think. After they pay the bill they ask the manager, an old friend of theirs, also fluent in Yiddish, "Where did your waiter learn such fabulous Yiddish?"
The owner looks around and leans over to them so no one will hear and says, "Shhhh. He thinks we`re teaching him English."

A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and
grandpa Morris gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park and couldn't find his way home.
"Oh Morris", said grandma, "You've been going to that park for
over 30 years! So how could you get lost? "
Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear.
Morris whispered, "Lost I wasn't..... I was just too tired to walk home."

Preacher: “How come I never see you in church anymore, Morris?”
Morris: “There are too many hypocrites there, Reverend.”
Preacher: “Don't worry, Morris; there's always room for one more.”

A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessies house, and grandpa Morris gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park... and couldnt find his way home. " Oy Morris ", said grandma, " Youve been going to that park for over 30 years! So how could you get lost? " Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldnt hear. Morris whispered, " I wasnt lost..... I was just too tired to walk home."

First-grade class in Brooklyn comes in from recess. Teacher asks Sarah: "What did you do at recess?"

Sarah says, "I played in the sand box."

The teacher says, "That's good. Go to the blackboard, and if you can write' sand' correctly, I'll give you a fresh-baked cookie."

She does and gets a cookie.

The teacher asks Morris what he did at recess.

Morris says, "I played with Sarah in the sand box."

The teacher says, "Good. If you write' box' correctly on the blackboard, I'll give you a fresh baked cookie."

Morris does, and gets a cookie. Teacher then asks Mustaffa Abdul Machmoud what he did at recess.

He says, "I tried to play with Sarah and Morris, but they threw rocks at me."

The teacher says, "Threw rocks at you? That sounds like blatant racial discrimination. If you can go the blackboard and write' blatant racial more...

Morris calls his son in NY and says, "Benny, I have something to tell you. However, I don't want to discuss it. I'm merely telling you because you're my oldest child, and I thought you ought to know. I've made up my mind, I'm divorcing Mama."
The son is shocked, and asks his father to tell him what happened. "I don't want to get into it. My mind is made up."
"But Dad, you just can't decide to divorce Mama just like that after 54 years together. What happened?"
"It's too painful to talk about it. I only called because you're my son, and I thought you should know. I really don't want to get into it anymore than this. You can call your sister and tell her. It will spare me the pain."
"But where's Mama? Can I talk to her?"
"No, I don't want you to say anything to her about it. I haven't told her yet. Believe me it hasn't been easy. I've agonized over it for several days, and I've finally come to a decision. I have more...