Moved Jokes / Recent Jokes

Yo mama so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said "Sorry, no professionals." Yo mama so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning. Yo mama so ugly just after she was born, her mother said "What a treasure!" and her father said "Yes, let's go bury it." Yo mama so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies. Yo mama so ugly they filmed "Gorillas in the Mist" in her shower Yo mama so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars. Yo mama so ugly instead of putting the bungee cord around her ankle, they put it around her neck Yo mama so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween. Yo mama so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras Yo mama so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her Yo mama so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her. Yo mama so ugly when she walks down the street in September, more...

A terrible flood hit a small town, sending the rescue units out. It just so happened that a devoutley religioius woman lived in this town when the flood hit, and she sat down to wait for God to save her. When the first rescue boat came in the worker called for her to come out but she just shook her head and said "Thank you, but my God will save me." Shaking his head the rescue worker moved on. The waters rose and she climbed to the second story of her home to wait for God. A second boat came by and the worker called out "Listen lady we've got to get you out of here!" Once again she thanked him profusely and said "My God will save me." The waters rose a third time forceing her to her roof. The water was just closing around her ankels when a third boat came by. "Lady, I'm the last boat out if you don't come now you're going to die." She just smiled "My God will save me" she said quietly. Frustrated the worker moved on. The waters rose more...

A very large mathematical convention was held in Las Vegas. The conventioneers filled two hotels, each with an infinite number of rooms. The hotels were across the street from each other and were owned by brothers. One evening, while everyone was out at a bar-b-que, one of the hotels burned to the ground. The brothers got together and worked out a plan. In the remaining hotel, they moved all guests to twice their room number -- room 101 moved to 202, room 1234 moved to room 2468, etc. Then all the odd number rooms were empty, and there were an infinite number of odd rooms. So the guests from the other hotel moved into them

A concerned husband went to the doctor to talk about his wife.
He said to the doctor, "I think my wife is deaf because she never hears me the first time and always asks me to repeat things."
"Well," the doctor replied, "go home tonight, stand about 15 feet from her, and say something. If she doesn't reply, move 5 feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this until we get an idea about the severity of her deafness."
The husband went home and did exactly as the doctor had instructed. He started off 15 feet from his wife in the kitchen as she was chopping some vegetables.
He said, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
He heard no response. He moved 5 feet closer and asked again. No reply. He moved 5 feet closer. Still no reply.
He finally got fed up and moved right behind her, about an inch away, and asked again, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
She replied, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew!"

Vincent Van Gogh had a really large family. Here's a listing of some of the lessor known ones... The grandfather who moved to Yugoslavia. ....... U. GoghThe brother who bleached all his clothes white. . Hue GoghThe sister who wore a mini skirt to dance in bars. .. Go GoghThe real obnoxious brother. ......... Please GoghThe brother who ate prunes. ........... Gotta GoghThe uncle who worked at a convenience store. ...... Stop N GoghHis dizzy aunt. ............ Verti GoghThe cousin that moved to Illinois. ........ Chicah GoghHis magician uncle. ............. Wherediddy GoghThe cousin who lived in Mexico. ......... Amee GoghAnother cousin who lived in Mexico. ........ Green GoghNephew that drove a stage coach. ......... Wells Far GoghAunt who was a good dancer. ............. Tan Gogh

A man passed away and went to Heaven. Upon arriving at the pearly gates, St. Peter said,' Come on in. I'll show you >around. I really think you'll like it here.' Walking through the gates, the man noticed that there were clocks everywhere. It appeared that Heaven was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse.

Surprised at how Heaven looked, the man asked St. Peter,' what's the deal with all the clocks?' St. Peter replied,' they keep track of everybody on earth. There is one clock for each person. Every time someone tells a lie, his clock moves forward one minute. For instance,this clock belongs to Sam, a used car salesman. If you watch it closely,it will move any second.' Click! The minute hand on Sam's clock moved forward one minute. Click! It moved forward another minute.' Sam must be closing on a deal right now,' said St. Peter.' The minute hand on his clock moves all day long.'

The man and St. Peter continued walking and soon came across a clock covered with more...

Coleman moved to Wyoming and was sitting in the unemployment office applying for a job. "Have you any experience in coal mining?" asked the clerk. "Yeah, in Pennsylvania," he replied. "They're using that new safety lamp down there now, aren't they?" "Ah don't know, mister," said Coleman. "I worked on the day shift."