Moved Jokes / Recent Jokes

Rabri Devi died and went to hell (as expected…)

As she stood in front of Yamraj, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind.

She asked, “What are all those clocks? ”

Yamraj answered, “Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on earth has a Lie Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move. ”

Rabri: “Oh”, “Who’s clock is that? ”

Yamraj: “That’s Gautam Buddha’s. The hands have never moved indicating that he never told a lie. ”

Rabri: “And whose clock is that? ”

Yamraj: “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life. ”

Rabri: “Where’s my Laloo’s clock? ”

Yamraj: “Laloo’s clock is in my office, I’m using it as ceiling fan”.

A man passed away and went to heaven. When the man arrived at the pearly gates, St. Peter said, "Come on in. I'll show you around. You'll like it here".
Walking through the gates, the man noticed clocks everywhere. There were grandfather clocks, wall clocks, watches, and clocks in every corner. It appeared that heaven was nothing more than a giant clock warehouse.
Surprised at how heaven looked, the man asked St. Peter what the deal was. Why are all these clocks here in heaven? St Peter replied, the clocks keep track of things on earth. There is one clock for each person. Every time the person on earth tells a lie, his clock moves one minute. For instance, this clock is for Sam, the used car salesman. If you watch it closely, it will move. Click. The minute hand on Sam's clock moved one minute. Click. It moved another minute.Sam must be into closing a customer right now said St. Peter. The minute hand on his clock moves all day.
The man and St Peter continued more...

An actor gave a moving performance.... everybody moved.....
moved towards the nearest exist.

Mrs. B went to heaven. As she stood in front of St. Peter at Pearly Gates, she saw a huge wall of clocks behind her.
She asked, "What are all those clocks?"
St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move. " Oh," said Mrs. B "who's clock is that?"
That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved indicating that she never told a lie.
" Who's clock is that?"
That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have only moved twice telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his entire life.
" Where is Chandrika's clock?" asks Mrs. B.
"Chandrika's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a table fan."

Dear Redneck Son;

I'm writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast.

We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved.

I won't be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.

The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.

About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be to heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.

John locked his keys in the car more...

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

The file you need
might be very useful.
But now it is gone

Windows NT crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working.
Windows is like that.

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, reboot.
Order shall return.

Wind catches lily,
scattering petals to the ground.
Segmentation fault.

With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
File not found.

The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
endless others exist.

You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

Stay the patient course.
Of little worth is your ire.
The network is down.

No keyboard present.
Press F1 to continue.
Zen more...

Dear Diary:

Aug. 1 - Moved to our new house in Maine. It is so beautiful here. The city is so picturesque. Can hardly wait to see it covered with snow. I LOVE IT HERE.

Oct. 14 - New England is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves are turning all different colors. I love the shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through the hills and saw some deer. They are so graceful. Certainly they are the most peaceful animals on earth. This must be paradise. I LOVE IT HERE.

Nov. 11 - Deer season will open soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting to kill such an elegant creature. The very symbol of peace and tranquility. Hope it will snow soon. I LOVE IT HERE.

Dec. 2 - It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed in white. It looked like a postcard. Went outside and cleaned snow off the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight today (I won). When the snowplow came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a more...