Movie Jokes / Recent Jokes
A movie producer is lying by the pool at the Beverly Hilton. His partner arrives in a great state of excitement. "Howd the meeting go?" asks the first guy."It went great," says his buddy. "Tarentino will write and direct for six million, Mel Gibson will star for eight, and we can bring in the whole picture for under fifty million.""Fabulous," says the guy by the pool."Theres just one catch," his partner warns."Whats the catch?""We have to put up ten thousand in cash".
Any movie involving lost and found brothers will have a song sung by
a) the brothers
b) their blind mother (but of course, she has to be blind in order to regain her sight in the climax)
c) the family dog/cat.
The amazing thing is that these folks remember the song after 20 years in the movie, and you can't remember it 2 minutes after coming out of the theatre.
Police inspectors (when not played by the hero) come in three categories:
1) Scrupulously honest, probably the hero’s father - killed by the villain before the titles.
2) Honest, but always chasing the anti-hero, saying “Tum kanoon se bach nahin sakte”, only to pat him in the back in reel 23. Usually, this inspector’s daughter is in love with the anti-hero.
3) The corrupt inspector, (usually the real villain’s sidekick) unceremoniously knocked about by the hero(s) in the climax
10. The Hero and Heroine fall in love without first having a fight
9. The Hero doesn't sing "mere pyaari behana" to his sister, neither does she get raped nor does she get married off to some goon who ill treats her.
8. The Hero actually asks the Heroine to elope with him instead of confronting her father and finally winning him over.
7. The Hero's bachelor friends at work do not get to come home and enjoy a meal cooked by the newly wed bride, with one of them ogling at her with evil intentions.
6. Since the Hero and Heroine get married very early in the movie, they should have known that something was going to go wrong and should have taken due care.
5. The movie is called "Bombay" but we don't get to see even one overflowing electric train. (It is like Ice station Zebra with no Zebras around)
4. Hero/Heroine do not have enough friends or relatives for a final group shot.
3. The Hero's children are ignorant about religion because more...
Have you seen the current remake of the movie "Cape Fear?"It's about a deranged psychotic who is seeking revenge against a lawyer. The question is, while watching the movie, for whom do you root?
Requirements for 11th Degree Black Belt Master of Judo Well before testing for this rank any experienced Judo teacher should have already learned these basic techniques: Escape from DojoThe quick exit to avoid clean up and helping with the mats. Sleeper StanceStanding at the corner of the dojo pretending to be observing the students as they sweat with exhaustion. Sigh of WisdomSudden, forceful exhalation when a beginning student unexpectedly survives a dangerous body slam without injury. Crossing FingersA hopeful posture used when uke has been choked unconscious. Gift of InstructionThe act of taking credit whenever a student wins a tournament or performs a technique correctly. Seeing Without SeeingThe dazed look of amazement given to the student who asks a stupid question. Kuchi Waza (mouth technique)Using an hour of class time to answer the stupid question while students sit on their knees in seiza. Mugger's DefenseOffering to lighten the student's wallet to reduce the risk of more...
Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't REALLY need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered, "about 1,500."
"That's right! You may enter." St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them."
There was a showing of the Russell Crowe movie "Master and Commander" in trendy Glenelg, a seaside suburb of Adelaide on 12th December, 2003.
During the movie, four patrons collapsed vomiting with the result the cinema was cleared and, fearing an environmental air problem, surrounding streets were evacuated. Most of the Adelaide police force was in attendance along with fire engines galore. My radio station was keeping us all posted and it sounded quite serious. Friday night in Glenelg is the place to be for outdoor dining and shopping in extremely up-market shops and it takes a disaster of monumental proportions to empty this place.
During this movie, which takes place on a very lurchy boat on an equally lurchy ocean, there is an operation performed with primitive instruments - enough to turn your stomach it seems, which is exactly what happened. A patron was feeling seasick and the operation just topped it all off and she hurled and three others more...