Movie Jokes / Recent Jokes
Reasons Dates Have Given For Standing Someone UpI showed up early and decided I just didn't feel like going out after all, so I went home before you arrived.My dog died.My neighbor's bird died, and I had to console my neighbor.I figured that probably wasn't your real picture, so I didn't bother coming over.I overslept.I took the wrong freeway exit and got lost, and after 40 minutes, I gave up, turned around, and went home.I know I said I'd be at home at 8:00 P.M., but I went out to a movie at 6:00 P.M. and had such a good time out after meeting some friends at the movie that I forgot all about our date and went out to dinner with them.I had the address, but forgot which city you lived in.Yesterday was the last day of my vacation, so I went two-stepping and ran into my ex there, and we fell in love again during a slow dance, so I can't date you any more, but I'd still like us to be friends.My roommate overdosed and I had to take him to the emergency room.
Following a woman with a dog out of the movie theater, a man stopped her and said, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I was amazed that your dog seemed to get into the movie so much. He cried at the right spots, moved nervously at the boring spots, and laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Don't you find that unusual?""Yes," she replied. "I find it very unusual. Especially considering that he hated the book!"
You may be an engineer if...
If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50
If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes
If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place
If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids'toys
If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car
If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts
If you window shop at Radio Shack
If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies
If you are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment
If you don't even know where the more...
THINGS COMPUTERS CAN DO IN MOVIES
1. Word processors never display a cursor.
2. You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.
3. Movie characters never make typing mistakes.
4. All monitors display inch-high letters.
5. High-tech computers, such as those used by NASA, the CIA or some such governmental institution, will have easy to understand graphical interfaces.
6. Those that don't have graphical interfaces will have incredibly powerful text-based command shells that can correctly understand and execute commands typed in plain English.
7. Note: Command line interfaces will give you access to any information you want by simply typing, "ACCESS THE SECRET FILES" on any near-by keyboard.
8. You can also infect a computer with a destructive virus by simply typing "UPLOAD VIRUS". (See "Fortress".)
9. All computers are connected. You can access the information on the villain's desktop computer even if it's more...
Ever wonder which cartoon character you are most like? Well, a team of researchers got together and analyzed the personalities of cartoon characters. The gathered information has been incorporated into this quiz.Answer each question with the choice that most describes you at this point in your life, then add up the points that correspond with your answers. >1. Which describes your perfect date? a) Candlelight dinner for two
b) Amusement Park
c) Rollerblading in the park
d) Rock Concert
e) See a movie >2. What is your favorite type of music? a) Rock and Roll
b) Alternative
c) Soft Rock
d) Classical
e) Christian >3. What is your favorite type of movie?
a) Comedy
b) Horror
c) Musical
d) Romance
e) Documentary >4. Which of the following jobs would you choose if you were given only
>these choices? a) Waiter/Waitress
b) Sports Player
c) Teacher
d) Policeman
e) Bartender >5. Which would you rather do if more...
A movie critic is like a legless man who teaches running.