Movie Jokes / Recent Jokes

Whereas, the aggrieved party (husband) and the aggrieving party (wife) have been involved in a long standing dispute, and whereas we're tired of arguing over this stuff all the time, and whereas if you'd just listen to me you'd see that I'm right, Therefore come the parties together in a post-nuptial agreement, which I expect you to sign and then there's no need for further discussion.

Clause One: Whereas, there is one correct way to arrange the furniture in the living room, and whereas the husband's back is still sore from last weekend when, after moving the chair into the corner for about half an hour, the wife made him carry it back to where it was in the first place, it is now understood by both parties that the furniture is in the correct arrangement. There is no need ever to move it again.

Clause Two: It seems like the husband just got the Christmas decorations put up and now you want them taken down! So the wife should make up her mind. If the house looks more...

The homeowner was delighted with the way Santa had done all the paintwork on his house.
"You did a great job," he said as he handed Santa his fees. "Also, in order to thank-you, here`s an extra 500 bucks to take the wife out to dinner and a movie."
Santa declined, saying, "No, I can`t accept that."
"I insist," said the man. "It would make me very happy if you do it."
"Well," said Santa reluctantly, but with appreciation, "If you really don`t mind it, I`ll do it."
Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was Santa, standing there in clean clothes, holding a bouquet of flowers.
Thinking that Santa had forgotten something he asked, "What`s the matter, did you leave something behind?"
"Nope," replied Santa. "I`m just here to take the wife out to dinner and a movie like you asked."

Have you seen the current remake of the movie “Cape Fear”? It’s about a deranged psychotic who is seeking revenge against a lawyer. The question is, while watching the movie, whom do you root for?

Santa Was Delighted With The Way The Painter Had Done All The Work On His House.
"You Did A Great Job." He Said And Handed The Man A Check.
"Also, In Order To Thank-You, Here`S An Extra Five Hundred Rupees To Take The Mrs Out To Dinner And A Movie."
Later That Night, The Doorbell Rang And It Was The Painter.
Thinking The Painter Had Forgotten Something Santa Asked, "What`S The Matter, Did You Forget Something?"
"Nope." Replied The Painter. "I`M Just Here To Take Your Mrs Out To Dinner And A Movie Like You Asked."

Hillary Clinton's favourite movie: Conspiracy theory.
Kenneth Star's favourite movie: I know what you did last summer.
Bill Clinton's favourite movie: Chasing Amy.

On their first date, Bob and Susie sat in the dark theater waiting for the movie to begin. The screen finally lit up with a flashy ad for the theater's concession stand. Bob and Susie noticed the sound was missing. The film began but silence continued. Then out of the darkness, an irritated voice in the crowd shouted, "Okay, who's got the remote?"
(via Aiken Drum, Rodney & Cathy, HorridScopes)

Stephanie Birkitt's diary is allegedly so full of hot details about her affair with Dave Letterman, "Girls Gone Wild" producer Joseph R. Francis is taking an option on it, movie to be titled " Laid Night With David Letterman".