Mud Jokes / Recent Jokes
A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him. The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today." The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, "When do you have time to plough your land? At night?" "No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole."
1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Friday’s. 2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida and mine is in N. Y. 3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back. 4. I asked my wife, “Where do you want to go for our anniversary? ” “Somewhere I haven’t been in a long time! ” So I suggested, “How about the kitchen? ” 5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops. 6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker. Then she said “There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down! ” So I bought her an electric chair. 7. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off. and in case you forget… Marriage is like a violin. After all the beautiful music is over, the strings are still attached.
"I hear you lost your court case. Did your lawyer give you bad advice?"
"No. He charged me for it."
There are two kinds of lawyers -- those who know the law and those who know the judge.
Arguing with a lawyer is like mud wrestling with a pig: after a while you realize that the pig is at home in the mud.
Lawyers and computers have both been proliferating since 1970.
Unfortunately, lawyers, unlike computers, have not gotten twice as efficient and half as expensive every 18 months.
One day a farmer goes into town to see a vet to see if how to tell that his pigs are pregnant. The vet says that if there standing up in the morning there not pregnant, but if there rolling in the mud they are. So the farmer goes home and loads all of his pigs in the back of his pick-up and takes them all out in the woods and fucks them all once. Then he takes them home and unloads them in there pin. Afterwards he gets tired so goes to bed. The next morning he gets up and checks on the pigs and there standing up, so he takes them all out in the woods and fucks them all twice. Then goes home, quickly unloads them in there pin, and goes right to bed. The next morning, very tired, the farmer gets up to check on his pigs, but they are still standing. Again, he loads them in the truck, takes them to the woods, and fucks them three times. Then he takes them home, unloads them, and goes straight to bed. The next morning the farmer is so tired he can't even get out of bed, so he yells to his more...