Multiple Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.
4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
6. Bring cheerleaders.
7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester more...

Stay clear of the ejection port(s) both front and rear.
Beware of objects thrown from unit, both solid and liquid.
Please carry unit with care as handle placement is not optimum.
Use caution when dispensing fluids not to spill them on sensitive components of unit.
Do not drop unit as this may cause damage.
Do not submerge unit for extended periods of time.
Do not leave unit submerged while unattended as this may harm the unit.
Do not leave unit unattended in public places.
Do not expose unit to extreme temperatures.
Make sure to use proper approved restraints when transporting unit in a vehicle, i.e. no duct tape or string.
Make sure to fuel unit through proper opening.
Multiple units operating in close proximity may be hazardous to your health and mental well being.
Unit is delivered "as is" and may not be returned or exchanged. No warranty should be implied.
Software upgrades may be administered throughout the life of the more...

The residents of Silicon Valley are more confused than usual after a billboard campaign by the National Multiple Sclerosis Society of America used this line in an ad slogan "MS, it's not a software company"... exploiting the fame of a certain company to draw attention to an altogether worthier cause.
Requests to comment on the campaign have been met by a surly silence by Microsoft, which doesn't relish the association of ideas but is painfully aware that it can't afford to appear insensitive over such an issue.
Seasoned information technology professionals will have no trouble telling the two MSs apart One is a debilitating and surprisingly widespread affliction that renders the sufferer barely able to perform the simplest task.
The other is a disease.
[Thanks to DZ]

What does a blonde say after multiple orgasms? "Way to go team!"

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to commit suicide, is that considered a hostage crisis?