Mummy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Mummy and Daddy are in the bath with their children, a little boy and a little girl (perverted family I know!!) when the little girl points to her mother's lower regions and says' Mummy, what is that down there?', to which her mother replies' That is my multi-story car park, you have a garage'. Satisfied the little girl continues playing with her ducks.

A little while later the little boy looks at his father and says' Daddy, what is that bobbing about in the water?' to which his father replies' That is my Rolls Royce, you have a Mini'. Satisfied the little boy carries on splashing his sister. The adults get out and go down stairs.

Five minutes later they here this terrible screaming coming from the bath room. When they get there, the little boy is screaming his head off and there is blood everywhere.

The mum looks at her daughter and asks what happened to which the little girl calmly replies,' he tried to put his mini in my garage so I ripped his back more...

Morning. Uh, just to help you cope until you wake up:
Feet. They are the frayed bits at the end of your legs. They go on the floor.
Hands. Also frayed, but somewhat different. Let's see, how do we sort this one? I know; stand up. Can you touch the floor with your nose without falling? Right, in that case your hands and feet are mixed up. Pick your hands up _after_ you've put your feet on the floor. Glad we've got that sorted. Now your hands will come in handy (just my little pun) for all sorts of things. Lifting your nightie so you don't pee on the hem. Holding the kettle under the tap while you try to remember what you are doing. Closing the curtains before the sunlight burns out your retinas. The main use for hands is to fend off any walls, doors, hatstands, or other predators which will attack without notice.
Ears. Best left off until you are fully awake. Nothing will sound right, and you'll spend far too much time worrying about the ominous creak which is in fact a more...

A little blonde girl comes back from school one evening.
She runs to her mum and says: "Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10! It's good, innit?"
"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.
"Is that because I'm blonde?" she asks.
"Yes, darling, it's because you're blonde." The mom says.
Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: "Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K! It's good, innit?"
"Yes, darling, very good." Answers the mom.
"Is that because I'm blonde, mummy?" she asks.
"Yes, darling it's because you're blonde." The mom says.
Next Day, she returns from school and cries: "Mummy, today we went swimming. Well, all the other girls have no more...

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy. After examining it, he called the curator of a prestigious natural-history museum. "I've just discovered a 3,000 year-old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed. To which the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out." A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were right about the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?" "Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said,' 10,000 Shekels on Goliath'."

A little blond girl comes back from school one evening. She runs to her mum and says: "Mummy today at school we learnt how to count. Well, all the other girls only counted to 5, but listen to me: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10! It's good, innit?"
"Yes darling, very good."
"Is that because I'm blond?"
"Yes darling, it's because you're blond."
Next day, the little girl comes back from school and says: "Mummy, today at school we learnt the alphabet. All the other girls only went as far as D, but listen to me: A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K! It's good "innit?"
"Yes darling, very good."
"Is that because I'm blond, mummy?"
"Yes darling it's because you're blond.
Next Day, she returns from school and cries: "Mummy, today we went swimming. Well, all the other girls have no breasts, but look at me!" She proceeds to flash her impressive 36 D's at her mummy. "Is that because I'm more...

There was a boy washing his face, the boy needs a tissue, right at the back of the boy there was a mummy, then the boy said "where is that tissue?" then the boy wrapped the mummy and used it as a tissue.

Son-Dad, How Did You Go To Egypt.
Dad-But I Didn't.
Son-Then Where Did You Get Mummy From.