Mummy Jokes / Recent Jokes

KID: Mummy, mummy can I lick the bowl
MUM: No dear, you have to flush like everyone else

One afternoon, a little girl returned home from school and announced
that a friend had told her where babies come from.
Amused, her mother replied, "Why don't you tell me all about it?"
The little girl explained, "Well, mummy and daddy take off all of
their clothes, and then daddy's thingy stands up, and then the
mummy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and
that's how you get babies."
Her mother shook her head, leaned over to meet her eye-to-eye,
and said "Oh honey, that's sweet but that's not how you get babies.
That's how you get jewellery.

A small boy walks into his mothers room and catches her topless."Mummy, mummy, what are these?" he says, pointing to her breasts."Well, son," she says, "these are balloons, and when you die, they inflate and float you up to heaven."Incredibly, he appears to believe this explanation and goes offquite satisfied. Two days later while his mother is making tea, he rushes intothe kitchen."Mummy, mummy, Aunt Mary is dying!"What do you mean? says his mother. Well she's in the garden shed, lying on the floor. Both herballoons are out, Dad's blowing them up, and she keeps yelling"God, I'm coming! I'm coming!!!"

The Judge (J.) asks the little girl (LG): Now that your parents are getting divorced do you want to live with your mummy? LG - No, my mummy beats me. J. - Well then, I guess you want to live with your daddy. LG - No, my daddy beats me too. J. - Well then, who do you want to live with? LG - I want to live with the Indian Cricket team, they neverbeat anybody! !!

Son: Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father: No. Why do you ask that?
Son: Well, where did you get mummy then?

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy, a rather rare occurance in Israel, to say the least. After examining it, he called the curator of the Israel museum in Jerusalem.
"I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed.
To which the curator replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out."
A week later, the amazed curator called the archaeologist. "You were right about both the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?"
"Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, '10,000 Shekels on Goliath'."

An archaeologist was digging in the Negev Desert in Israel and came upon a casket containing a mummy, a rather rare occurrence in Israel, to say the least. After examining it, he called Abe, the curator of the Israel museum in Jerusalem.
"I've just discovered a 3,000 year old mummy of a man who died of heart failure!" the excited scientist exclaimed.
Abe replied, "Bring him in. We'll check it out."
A week later, the amazed Abe called the archaeologist. "You were right about both the mummy's age and cause of death. How in the world did you know?"
"Easy. There was a piece of paper in his hand that said, '10,000 Shekels on Goliath'."