Murphy Jokes / Recent Jokes

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The man said, "I do Father." The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall." Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got to heaven?" "Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest. Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?" O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father." The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?" O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do, Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to got to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven? "The man said, "I do Father." The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven? " "Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven? " O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven? "O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
On his Deathbed! "Father Murphy was ministering to a man on his deathbed.
"Renounce Satan!" yelled Father Sullivan.
"No!," said the dying man.
"I say, renounce more...

An Irishman named Murphy went to his doctor after a long illness.

The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Murphy in the eye and said,' 'I've some bad news for you... you have the cancer and it can't be cured. I'd give you two weeks to a month.''

Murphy, shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There he saw his son who had been waiting.

Murphy said,' 'Son, we Irish celebrate when things are good and celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer and I've been given a very short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints.''

After three or four pints the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of Murphy's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating.

Murphy told them that more...

Father Murphy was ministering to a man on his deathbed.
"Renounce Satan!" yelled Father Sullivan.
"No!," said the dying man.
"I say, renounce the devil and his works!"
"No way!," the man repeats.
"And why, in the name of all that is holy, not?" asks Father Murphy.
"Because," said the dying man...
"I want to wait until I see where I'm heading before I start pissing anyone off!"

Scorcher Murphy was selling his house, and put the matter in an agent's hands. The agent wrote up a sales blurb for the house that made wonderful reading. After Murphy read it, he turned to the agent and asked, "Have I got all ye say there?" The agent said, "Certainly ye have... Why d'ye ask?" Replied Murphy, "Cancel the sale...'tis too good to part with."