Mustard Jokes / Recent Jokes

(This is a true story.) If you have children you will probably relate to this father. As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection. A thick slab of ham, a fresh bun, crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard.The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side. "Hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich," she said. I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers. I love mustard.
I had no napkin.
I licked it off.
It was not mustard. No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do, only I did it on my tongue. Later (after she stopped crying from laughing so hard) my wife said, more...

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my wife suddenly at my side.
"Here, hold Johnny (our six-week-old son) while I get my sandwich," she said.
I had him balanced between my left elbow and shoulder and was reaching again for the ham sandwich when I noticed a streak of mustard on my fingers.
I love mustard.
I had no napkin.
I licked it off.
It was NOT mustard.
No man ever put a baby down faster. It was the first and only time I have sprinted with my tongue protruding. With a washcloth in each hand, I did the sort of routine shoeshine boys do; only I did it on my tongue.
Later, after she stopped crying from laughing so hard, my wife said, "Now you know why they call that fancy mustard more...

There are a blonde brunette and a redhead on the top of a building. They all are eating sandwiches. The brunette has a ham and cheese sandwich. The redhead has a turkey with mustard sandwich. And the blonde has a Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwich.

They all make a bet that if their mom's pack them the same sandwiches then they will jump off they building.

The next day they are at the top of the building. The brunette has a ham and cheese sandwich. So she jumped off the building.

The redhead had a turkey and mustard sandwich so she also jumped off the building.

The blonde had a PB&J sandwich so she also jumped off the building.

At the funeral the red heads Mom goes "I shouldn't have packed her a turkey and mustard sandwich.

The brunets Mom goes, "I should have packed her something else!"

The blondes Mom goes, " I shouldn't have let her pack her own lunch!"