Name Jokes / Recent Jokes

One elderly couple is visiting another for supper. The two women go into the kitchen for a moment, leaving the men to talk.
One of the men says to the other, "The Mrs. and I went to the nicest restaurant last night."
"Is that right?" the other inquires, "What was it called?"
"That's just it," he replies "I can't recall. "Say, what's the name of that red flower that has thorns all over it?"
"A rose?" he responds.
"YEAH, THAT'S IT!" he says energetically.
He then whirls around and yells into the kitchen, "Hey, Rose! What was the name of that restaurant we went to last night!?"

An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association. A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him. "What was the name of the Instructor?" asked the neighbor. "Oh, ummmm, let's see," the old man pondered. "You know that flower, you know, the one that smells really nice but has those prickly thorns, what's that flower's name?" "A rose?" asked the neighbor. "Yes, that's it," replied the old man. He then turned toward his house and shouted, "Hey, Rose, what's the name of the Instructor we took the memory class from?"

A Licensed Counselor was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children...
"You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy."
He turned to the second Mom. "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny."
He turns to the third Mom. "Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy."
At this point, the fourth mother gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers, "Come on, Dick, we're leaving."

A pregnant woman goes into a coma moments after she gives birth to twins, one boy and one girl.
When she awakens, several days later, she cries out frantically to see her children. The doctors come to her, and the first thing she asks is "How are my children?"
"Fine" says the doctor, your brother named them. She thinks to herself, Oh no, my brother's an idiot.
"What did he name them?" she asks the doctor.
"He named the girl Denise" said the doctor.
Well, maybe I misjudged my brother, Denise isn't such a bad name, she realizes. "What did he name the boy?"
Replies the doctor "Denephew."

To really succeed in a business or organization, it is sometimes helpful to know what your job is, and whether it involves any duties. Ask among your coworkers.
"Hi," you should say. "I'm a new employee. What is the name of my job?"
If they answer "long-range planner" or "lieutenant governor," you are pretty much free to lounge around and do crossword puzzles until retirement. Most jobs,
however, will require some work.
There are two major kinds of work in modern organizations:
1. Taking phone messages for people who are in meetings, and,
2. Going to meetings.
Your ultimate career strategy will be to get a job involving primarily No. 2, going to meetings, as soon as possible, because
that's where the real prestige is. It is all very well and good to be able to take phone messages, but you are never going to get a position of power, a position where you can cost thousands of people their jobs with a single more...

(The numbers are obtained by translating each character (letter, number, space, etc.) into its corresponding ASCII value.)
It looks like well-known OS's fall into the same category:
M S - D O S 6 . 2 1
77 + 83 + 45 + 68 + 79 + 83 + 32 + 54 + 46 + 50 + 49 = 666
W I N D O W S 9 5
87 + 73 + 78 + 68 + 79 + 87 + 83 + 57 + 53 + 1 = 666
S Y S T E M 7 . 0
83 + 89 + 83 + 84 + 69 + 77 + 32 + 55 + 46 + 48 = 666
Coincidence? I think not!
The real name of Bill Gates is William Henry Gates III. Nowadays he is known as Bill Gates (III), where "III" means the order of third (3rd).
By converting the letters of his current name to the ASCII-values and adding his (III), you get the following:
B I L L G A T E S (III)
66 + 73 + 76 + 76 + 71 + 65 + 84 + 69 + 83 + 3 = 666 (!!!)
Some might ask, "How did Bill Gates get so powerful?"
Coincidence? Or just the beginning of mankind's ultimate and total enslavement? You more...

The American Dairy Association was so successful with its "Got Milk?" campaign, that it was decided to extend the ads to Mexico. Unfortunately, the Spanish translation was "Are you lactating?"
Electrolux, a Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer, used this ad in the U.S.: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux."
Colgate introduced a toothpaste called "Cue" in France, but it turned out to be the same name as a well-known porno magazine.
When Braniff translated a slogan touting its upholstery, "Fly in leather," it came out in Spanish as "Fly naked."
Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."
Chicken magnate Frank Perdue's line, "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken," sounds much more interesting in Spanish: "It takes a sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate."
Bacardi concocted a fruity drink with more...