Name Jokes / Recent Jokes

There was a man who had memory loss. His wife got so fed up with him that she decided to take him to a doctor to help him remember things.
A few weeks later the man was out of the hospital and his wife felt he had made a big improvement.
A few days later they decided to celebrate so they invited their parents over for dinner. The man's father asked what the doctor's name was.
The man replied, "What's the name of that flower with a long stem and little thorns on it?"
His dad looked confused and said, "Rose?"
"Yes that's it... Hey, Rose... what's the name of my doctor?"

Since history began, the Chinese always believed in the significance of one's name. They have developed a very comprehensive system of naming one's children as it is believed that the name of a person strongly influences one's destiny and fate.
Astrologers, fortune tellers, academics and monks are consulted when choosing a name for the new born. The other cultures, however do not really believe in it and tend to brush it off as superstition. Whether you believe it or not, however, the other cultures are not spared of this correlation.
For example, the Chinese surname LEE (Li) is associated with power and success such as Lee Kuan Yew, Lee Teng Hui (Taiwanese President), Li Peng (China's ex PM), Li Ka Shing (HK tycoon) and LEE Iacocca - once Chrysler's chief, Lee Van Cliff, the actor.
One very good example is Lee Iacocca, whose first name IACOCCA stands more...

IT was my first visit to Chhattisgarh and tried to show off my knowledge of plants to my Chhattisgarhi guide and mentor, Shyam Lai Chaturvedi. He listened with rapt attention while chewing paan. I point to the ipomoea and tell him that although it is a noxious weed, since it is in flower all the year round, Guru Gobind Singh gave it the name Sadaa Suhaagan-ever in marital bliss. Chaturvedi spits out betel juice and tells me that Chhattisgarhis have a more appropriate name for it. "It grows everywhere where there is garbage. You cut it down to the roots and it sprouts again. You stick a branch of it in the dust and it becomes a bush. There is no way you can get rid of it. In Hindi they call it be-sharm-without any shame. Chhattisgarhis have coined a better name for the pestilential weed: we call it paaliteeshan (politician)."

IN most jokes about drowning, when people call on their respective gods for help, Hindu deities come off poorly. Sita Ram Goel, editor of Voice of India and an important mouthpiece of Hindu opinion, rectifies the balance:
Three men - a Sikh, a Musilm and a Hindu - jumped into the sea from a boat which was sinking. None of them knew swimming. So all of them invoked their deities for help. The Sikh cried for Satguru. But the name applied to ten gurus, and they got into an argument as to which one was being invoked. Meanwhile, the poor Sikh sank to the bottom of the sea. The Muslim cried to Allah. But Allah was bound by his own undertaking that He would save Momins only on the Day of Judgement which was still far off. So the hapless Muslim went down. The Hindu had only to utter one of the several divine names he knew and as every divine name in Hindu theology is shared in common by thirty-three crore gods, all of them rushed to his rescue. He alone survived to tell the story!

To really succeed in a business or organization, it is sometimes helpful to know what your job is, and whether it involves any duties. Ask among your coworkers. "Hi," you should say. "I'm a new employee. What is the name of my job?" If they answer "long-range planner" or "lieutenant governor," you are pretty much free to lounge around and do crossword puzzles until retirement. Most jobs,
however, will require some work.There are two major kinds of work in modern organizations:1. Taking phone messages for people who are in meetings, and, 2. Going to meetings.Your ultimate career strategy will be to get a job involving primarily No. 2, going to meetings, as soon as possible, because
that's where the real prestige is. It is all very well and good to be able to take phone messages, but you are never going to get a position of power, a position where you can cost thousands of people their jobs with a single bonehead decision, unless you more...

On the WBAM FM morning show in Chicago, the DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called "Mate Match." The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers yes, he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions.

The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize.

One particular game, however, several months ago made the City of Big Shoulders drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing I've heard yet. Anyway, here's how it all went down:

DJ: "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you ever heard of' Mate Match'?"

Contestant: (laughing) "Yes I have."

DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to Orlando,Florida if you win. What is more...

Yes, motherhood changes everything. But motherhood also changes with
each baby. Here, some of the ways having a second and third child
differs from having your first:
Your Clothes
First baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as your OB/GYN
confirms your pregnancy.
Second baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
Third baby: Your maternity clothes *are* your regular clothes.
The Baby's Name
First baby: You pore over baby-name books and practice pronouncing and
writing combinations of all your favorites.
Second baby: Someone has to name their kid after your great-aunt Mavis,
right? It might as well be you.
Third baby: You open a name book, close your eyes, and see where your
finger falls. Bimaldo? Perfect!
Preparing for the Birth
First baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
Second baby: You don't bother practising because you remember that last
time, breathing didn't do a more...