Names Jokes / Recent Jokes

You might be a child of the 80's if...... you have deep, personal relationships via computer with people you've never met in real life.... the phrase "going courting", to you, means fighting an unjust traffic ticket or playing tennis.... you know, by heart, the words to any "Weird" Al Yankovic song.... not that you'd do it personally, but body piercing captivates your attention.... you remember the days when cocaine was just fine in powder form, thankyouverymuch.... you think the "the Gay 90's" refers to this decade and sexual orientation.... the Brady Bunch movie brought back cool memories.... you remember the first time "Space: Above and Beyond" aired - it was called "Battlestar Galactica".... songs by Debbie Gibson still haunt you to this day.... three words: "Atari" "IntelliVision" and "Coleco". Sound familiar?... you remember the days that hooking your computer into your television wasn't an expensive more...

1. Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

2. Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

3. The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost a child while living in the White House.

4. Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.

5. Lincoln's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's secretary was named Lincoln.

6. Both were assassinated by Southerners.

7. Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

8. Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

9. John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in more...

SICK DAYS: We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. SURGERY: Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of your employment contract. PERSONAL DAYS: Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays and Sundays. VACATION DAYS: All employees will take their vacations at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 and Dec. 25. BEREAVEMENT LEAVE: This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is unavoidable, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through more...

Some people likes there names, Some people doesn't. Some people got troubble with others names. This happens to one of my good friend, six years ago.
He was a doctor just passed out from medical college, got his first appontment in Mahaweli region(close to Mahiyanganaya).
As you know in this remote hosiptal, there were very few staff. He got only two nurses and one attendent. (This attend was very stubbon and try to dominate over those poor patiants.)
He used to shout the names of the patiants before getting in to the doctors office two rooms away. One day there was a big argument between two patiants with this Attendent.
So my friend went out side checked it out and found these two patiants were brothers and complained that this attendent insulted him and his brother. They said" first he insulted me and then he insulted my brother". So he settled the matter and asked this attendent what had happen. He said "doctor, I called their names, thats more...

My Christmas Emails
I have a list of folks I know
all written my computer data base.
And every year at Christmas time,
I go and take a look at my data base.
And that is when I realize
that these names are a part....
Not in the data base they are written in
but of my very heart.

For I am but a total
of the many folks I've met,
And you happen to be one of those
I prefer not to forget.
And whether I have known you
for many years or a few hours
In some way you have had a part
of shaping things I do.

So never think my Christmas Emails
are just a mere routine
of names put on a computer list
and forgotten in between.
For when I send a Christmas Email
that is addressed to you...
It is because you're on that list of folks
that I'm indebted to.

one day a indian boy says to his dad "why do indians have such long names" "well son when an idian baby is born, the father goes out and the babys name is the first thing he sees" why do you ask two dogs fucking

Who's On First(Sketch by Bud Abbot and Lou Costello)LOU: I love baseball. When we get to St. Louis, will you tell me the guys' name on the team so when I go to see them in that St. Louis ball park I'll be able to know those fellows? BUD: All right. But you know, strange as it may seems, they give ball players nowadays very peculiar names, nick names, like "Dizzy Dean." Now on the St. Louis team we have Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third --LOU: That's what I want to find out. I want you to tell me the names of the fellows on the St. Louis team. BUD: I'm telling you. Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third --LOU: You know the fellows' names? BUD: Yes. LOU: Well, then who's playin' first. BUD: YesLOU: I mean the fellow's name on first base. BUD: Who. LOU: The fellow playin' first base for St. Louis. BUD: Who. LOU: The guy on first base. BUD: Who is on first. LOU: Well, what are you askin' me for? BUD: I'm not asking you -- I'm telling more...