Names Jokes / Recent Jokes

A girl was visiting her blonde friend and noticed she had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were.
The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Why did you give them names like that?"
The blonde responded, "What else would you name watch dogs?"

The census taker rang the doorbell and was greeted by an attractive blonde woman. He explained he was from the Census Bureau and wanted to know how many were in the family.
"Let's see now," she said, twirling a strand of her hair, "there's me, my husband, and our children Beth, Steven, Aaron, Janice, Caroline, Will... "
"I'm not interested in names," the census taker interrupted, "numbers will be sufficient."
"Oh, we don't use numbers," she replied. "We haven't run out of names yet!"

Here's a list of phony names often given to substitute teachers:
(source: "Book of Lists 2")
Anne Chovy
Art E. Choke
Bud Wiser
Frank Furter
Chuck Waggon
Jim Shoo
Sandy Beach
Polly Gon
Ben Gay
Liz Onya
Ben Dover
Eileen Dover
Barb DeWyre

A man was on a game show. He was on his final question; all he had to do was answer that question right, and he would win 1 million dollars!
The game show host said, "All right, for your final question: 'What are the names of three of Santa's reindeer?'"
The man grinned and said, "Dasher!"
The game show host said, "Correct!"
"Comet!"
"Correct! What is the last name?"
The man yelled, "Olive!"
The game show host was confused and said, "Why Olive?"
The contestent looked at him strangely and said, "Oh, don't you know? 'Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names...'"

College by Dave Barry Many of you young persons out there are seriously thinking about going to college. (That is, of course, a lie. The only things you young persons think seriously about are loud music and sex. Trust me: these are closely related to college.) College is basically a bunch of rooms where you sit for roughly two thousand hours and try to memorize things. The two thousand hours are spread out over four years; you spend the rest of the time sleeping and trying to get dates. Basically, you learn two kinds of things in college: * Things you will need to know in later life (two hours). These include how to make collect telephone calls and get beer and crepe-paper stains out of your pajamas. * Things you will not need to know in later life (1, 998 hours). These are the things you learn in classes whose names end in -ology, - - -osophy, -istry, -ics, and so on. The idea is, you memorize these things, then write them down in little exam books, then forget them. If you fail to more...

Many of you young persons out there are seriously thinking about going to college. (That is, of course, a lie. The only things you young persons think seriously about are loud music and sex. Trust me: these are closely related to college.)
College is basically a bunch of rooms where you sit for roughly two thousand hours and try to memorize things. The two thousand hours are spread out over four years; you spend the rest of the time sleeping and trying to get dates.
Basically, you learn two kinds of things in college:
* Things you will need to know in later life (two hours). These include how to make collect telephone calls and get beer and crepe-paper stains out of your pajamas.
* Things you will not need to know in later life (1,998 hours). These are the things you learn in classes whose names end in -ology, - - -osophy, -istry, -ics, and so on. The idea is, you memorize these things, then write them down in little exam books, then forget them. If you fail to forget more...

There are two guys walking in front of a large church. One guy says to the other, "Just a minute, I'll be right back."
He goes into the confessional and says, "Father forgive me, for I have sinned. I have had two extramarital affairs."
The Father says, "You need to say 40 Hail Marys, and I also need to know if the women were members of my parish."
The confessor replies, "Yes Father, they were."
The priest says then that in order to receive absolution he, the priest, needed the names of the two women.
The man said, "Father, I don't kiss and tell, and besides, I must leave them to handle their own confessions."
The priest responded, "Well, was one of them Mrs. O'Reilly?"
The man replied, "No Father, and I wouldn't say anyway. I've told you that!"
The priest says, "Well, was one of them Mrs. Brown?"
Exasperated the man said, "No Father, and I told you I'm not telling more...