Names Jokes / Recent Jokes
One Day Stupid, Trouble, and Shut Up were driving along in their car when Trouble suddenly hurled himself out of the window. Well, Stupid and Shut Up did not know what to do so they went to the police station. When they got there the chief asked them their names."Shut Up", replied Shut Up."Stupid", replied Stupid. The police chief thought these people were telling him to shut up, and were calling him stupid. Which made him very mad. "Excuse Me!" shouted the chief. Thinking the chief was hard of hearing, They once again shouted there names."Shut Up!""Stupid!"The police chief was very riled. He then asked" Are you looking for trouble?"!!! Stunned at the idea of the chief knowing that they were looking for their friend, they replied,"Why yes, how did you know?"
The Chocolate Ritual (You need to know a bit about wicca for this to be a knee slapper.. . )
Materials required: On the altar are brown candles, a Tootsie Roll (the big one), a large glass with milk in it (the chalice), a small dish of Nestle's Quik and a spoon, a small dish of chocolate sprinkles, a plate of cupcakes, and some Yoo-Hoo along with a goblet. The athame is represented by a cake knife reserved only for cutting Devil's Food Cake, and the pentacle is represented by a chocolate star.
CLEANSE THE SACRED SPACE:
(take the small bowl of chocolate sprinkles)
Chocolate sprinkles where thou art
Cast no calories in thy presence last.
Let no fat adhere to me
And as I will so mote it be!
Nestle's Quik where thou art cast
Turn this milk to chocolate fast.
Let all good things come to me,
and make my milk all chocolatey!
CAST THE CIRCLE
(using the Tootsie roll)
CALL THE more...
Dear Abby has received lots of letters about funny names. Here are just a few sent to her!
My father was born in Menomonie, Wis., and later taught there. He used to tell me about a law firm there called Ketchum and Cheatum. Also, he had a high school classmate named Iva Liver. - ANN, COLUMBUS, OHIO
Years ago, I interviewed an attorney who was supposed to handle an important matter for me. His name: Rex R. Case. (Needless to say, I did not hire him!) - LINDA, N.J.
I read the front section of the paper, where I encountered the following. It's titled, "Circumcision of African men can cut HIV risk by half." The physician quoted from the World Health Organization is Dr. Kevin De Cock. - BONNIE IN WABASH, IND.
For many years the Internal Revenue supervisor in Oklahoma City was "I.M. Filer." - ANONYMOUS IN OKLAHOMA
My sister lives in Williamsville, N.Y., where there is a funeral home that seems nothing out of the ordinary, except for the name: Amigone more...
Why was the racehorse names Strawberry Ice? He was a sherbet!
One Day Stupid, Trouble, and Shut Up were driving along in their car when Trouble suddenly hurled himself out of the window. Well, Stupid and Shut Up did not know what to do so they went to the police station. When they got there the chief asked them their names. "Shut Up", replied Shut Up. "Stupid", replied Stupid. The police chief thought these people were telling him to shut up, and were calling him stupid. Which made him very mad. "Excuse Me!" shouted the chief. Thinking the chief was hard of hearing, They once again shouted there names. "Shut Up!" "Stupid!" The police chief was very riled. He then asked" Are you looking for trouble?"!!! Stunned at the idea of the chief knowing that they were looking for their friend, they replied,"Why yes, how did you know?"
Q: How come you never hear anything about the 10th reindeer "Olive"?
A: Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"
Q: Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet of handkerchiefs for Christmas?
A: Yeah, you know, "Olive the other reindeer, used to laugh and call him names"
Q: Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?
A: You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.
Q: What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
A: It was wound up already.
Q: What's a good holiday tip?
A: Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until all the birds have gone south for the winter.
Q: What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
A: It’s Christmas, Eve!
Q: How do you make an idiot laugh on boxing day?
A: Tell him a joke on Christmas more...
Bernie was invited to his friend's home for dinner. Morris, the host, preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
Bernie looked at Morris and remarked, "That is really nice, that after all these years that you have been married, you keep calling your wife those pet names."
Morris hung his head and whispered," To tell the truth, I forgot her name three years ago."