Nasa Jokes / Recent Jokes
Some Politicatl Quotes as collected in "They Said That!" by Larry Engelman
Like we say in Texas, if goofy ideas ever go to $40 a barrel, I want the drilling rights to Dick Armey's head.
Clinton advisor Paul Begala, 1998
If Jerry Brown is the answer, it must be a very peculiar question.
Sen. Lloyd Bentsen, 1992
This is Jerry Brown. Thanks for calling. And please do everything you can to assist and be an active member in the insurgent campaign to take back America. To speak to a live human being, dial zero.
-- Taped message on the Jerry Brown for President office phone in Santa Monica, Calif., 1992
She's not my type, let's put it that way. She wouldn't pass the test. Yes, the Bono test.
Sonny Bono, on Hillary Clinton, 1995
This year's elections are like a horse race. They end up exactly where they started. And when they're done, manure is everywhere.
Jay Leno, 1994
Many Americans more...
Yo mama so fat NASA has to orbit a satellite around her!
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300 C.
The Russians used a pencil.
A recent NASA study found that supermassive black holes, located at the center of some galaxies, are the most fuel efficient engines in the universe. "If car engines were as efficient as these black holes, you could get a billion miles out of a gallon of gas," said a study team leader. NASA officials refused to give any further details on their finding stating that they “do not want to give the President any more retarded ideas.”
Top Ten changes at NASA to accommodate 76-yr-old John Glenn's return to space:
10) All important devices now operated by the Clapper
9) Shuttle's thermostat now set at 80 degrees
8) The cargo bay now converted into a shuffle board court
7) Amplifier now installed in the headphones
6) Metamucil now served instead of Tang
5) Little bowls of candy scattered around the ship
4) Top speed of shuttle now set at 25 MPH
3) Installed new bifocal windshield
2) Space pants now go up to the armpits
1) Left blinker left on for the entire mission.
there was a NASA astranaut, german astranaut, and a blonde. the NASA astranaut said he was the first man on pluto, the german astranaut said he was the first man on the moon, well the blonde said she was going to be the first person on the sun, the others said thats impossible you would burn and die, the Blonde said silly astranauts im gonna go at night.
NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go, and that person couldn't return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going.
"One million dollars," he answered, "because I want to donate it to M. I. T."
The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for two million dollars. "I want to give a million to my family and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research."
The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer's ear, "Three million dollars."
"Why so much more than the others?" the interviewer asked.
The lawyer replied, "I'll give you $1 million, I'll keep $1 million, and we'll send the engineer."