National Jokes / Recent Jokes

A guy walks into a bar and notices a good looking blonde sitting alone at the bar. He wanders over and notices that she has the name NAN on her shirt. He says, "Excuse me Nan, can I buy you a drink?"
She says: "Yes you can but my name isn't Nan, it's Sue. NAN stands for National Organization of Nymphomaniacs."
He then asks her what NAN does. She explains that NAN is basically a research organization that studies sexual experiences between males and females based on race, age, experience, class status, ect.
He then asks what has she learned? She replies, "Well from what my personal research tells me, Native Americans are the most experienced, Jewish men have the best stamina and it's true that African Americans are better endowed then your average white male."
She then thanks the man for the drink and asks him his name.
He smiles and says, "Lightfoot Goldberg, but my friends call me Bubba.

The Republican National Committee has voted to recognize the H1N1 virus as the French Flu.
The Democratic National Committee has voted to recognize the H1N1 virus as the Bush Flu.

Q: What happened to the Polish National Library?
A: Someone stole the book.

You know you`re from northern Vermont when:
You`ve taken your kids trick-or-treating during a blizzard.
You only own three spices- salt, pepper and ketchup.
You design your Halloween costumes to fit over a snowsuit.
The mosquitoes have landing lights.
You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.
You have 10 favorite recipes for venison.
The local Hardware store on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
You live in a house that has no front steps, yet the door is one yard above the ground.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes get filled with snow.
Making it home during Mud Season is a competitive sport.
You think everyone from the city has an accent.
You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on l/4 page, but requires 6 pages more...

Top Ten list. .. If Sonia Gandhi becomes the Prime Minister....
10. There will be branches of Olive Garden all over India
and they will be called OZinda Bagicha!!
9. Their only vegetarian dish will be Eggplant Parmesan and
it will be called Anda-Pauda Parmeshwaran!!
8. All Vadapav Gaadis and Stalls will be selling Pizza and
Pasta.
7. India's National Sport will be - Ofcourse Soccer.
6. Laloo will lose his position as the national animal and
will be replaced by Jayalalitha!
5. National vegetable-Zucchini
4. There will be Pope John Paul's' yearly' visit - twice
every year!!
3. Jahangir Art gallery will be renamed to "Michaelangelo's
Confetti house"!!
2. Men in Indian Army will wear Mini Skirts!!
And. .. the number one thing that will happen if Sonia
Becomes the Prime Minister of India is.....
1. All Sindhi People will get promotions in their positions
because she thinks they are all more...

Q: What happened to the Polish National Library? A: Someone stole the book.

Ebonics: "Why we be talkin' like you? Is you listening
anyway?"
Redneconics: " 'Taint sure, Clem, baa I think he
said he wanns to rape all the white women. Less git 'em!"
Blueblonics: "I say, Tad, what are they fighting
about now? You know I can't make out a word mumsy's servants say."
911onics: "I'm sorry, where's the emergency? I can't
understand a thing you're saying."
Coponics: "You're all under arrest under Section
1929 of the penal code. Sergeant, get those blacks and rednecks in
front of the firing squad, the women in the back seat of the patrol
car, and issue Mr. Tadington a ticket."
Dowonics: "1929? I'm sorry, I don't understand."
Moronics: "National Aglet is at 1929? Buy more!
We're going over 68 today!"
Globalecononics: "We're sorry Mrs. Jones, we know
you've worked here at National Aglet for 68 years. But you must
understand that a more...