Nearby Jokes / Recent Jokes
The weather was very hot, so this man wanted desperately take a dive in the nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water.
After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket, which laid on the sandy beach. He held the bucket in front of his private parts and sighed with relief.
The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said, "You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds."
"Impossible," said the embarrassed man, "You really know what I think?"
"Yes," the lady replied, 'I know that you think that the bucket you're holding has a bottom in it."
A teacher at a school for blind kids is taking his schools soccer team to an "away game". They stop for a rest break, and to let the kids work off some energy with a little impromptu practice in a nearby pasture. The teacher is sitting in a nearby diner, explaining to another patron how it is that blind kids can play soccer. "We made a special ball, with a bell in it, so the kids can keep track of where the ball is and what its doing by listening for it. Theyre pretty good at it too." "Very clever!" remarks the other patron. Just then they are interrupted as another patron, who is looking out the window, says, "Hey! Are you the guy with those damn blind kids from the bus?" "Yes," says the teacher, stung by the way "his" kids are being refered to, "what about it? You got something against blind kids?" "Nothing, ordinarily," says the guy, still scowling out the window, r "but you better get them rounded more...
The weather was very hot and this man wanted desperately to take a dive in a nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So he undressed and got into the water.
After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket lying in the sand nearby. He held the bucket in front of his private parts and sighed with relief.
The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said: "You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds."
"Impossible", said the embarrassed man, "You really know what I think?"
"Yes", the lady replied, "Right now, I bet you think that the bucket you're holding has a bottom."
A German, an Italian, and a goofy American were trying to get into the stadium at the Sydney Olympics, but the seats were all sold out. The enterprising German stripped down to his shorts and undershirt, picked up a cane fishing pole in a nearby alley, and marched right in stating boldly, "Heinrich Schneider, Germany, Pole Vault."
Noting the ease of entry, the Italian took off his outer garments, grabbed a large round stone, then just as boldly strode in the gate, announcing, "Pasquale Galento, Italy, Shot Put."
Not to be outdone, the American guy took off all but his BVD'S, went into a nearby hardward store were he purchased some barb-wire. As he approached the gate the American spoke out confidently, "Hans Dumbkopfski, USA,, Fencing."
At Burger King an elderly couple ordered one burger, one order of fries and one coke with two glasses.
When they got to their booth, the man placed a napkin in front of himself and one in front of his wife, then proceeded to divide the fries, cut the burger in half and divided the coke equally.
A gentleman nearby noticed and offered to buy them another burger, fries and Coke.
The woman then said, "No you don't understand. We've been married over 50 years and all our life we agreed to split everything right down the middle."
Her husband then began eating, as she sat with her hands in her lap.
The gentleman nearby noticed and asked the lady why she wasn't eating.
She replied, "As I said before, we split everything right down the middle, and it's his day to use the teeth first."
Perwez Musharraf and his wife are travelling in USA when they meet Santa Singh who is also travelling with his wife on a holiday. They start talking and realise that both are going to take the same train the next day. At the station Perwez buys tickets for himself and his wife. However he notices that Santa Singh buys a single ticket. "How are two people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks Pervez. "Just watch and you`ll see!" answers Santa. They all board the train and the Musharrafs take their seats and watch as Santa and his wife cram into a nearby restroom and close the door. The train departs and shortly afterwards the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Musharrafs see all this and agree that it is a clever idea to save some money. So on their return trip, they more...
A farmer was down on his luck having suffered a bad growing season, lack of crops and poor prices. To make ends meet he decided he'd have to sell his dog - a most intelligent animal. A few days after placing the ad, a man came to see this "intelligent" dog. When asked what the dog could do, the farmer pointed to a stand of trees nearby and informed the man there was a pond on the other side. He turned to the dog and commanded, "Hunt." Immediately the dog took off for the trees, came back a few moments later and barked twice. The farmer said, "He just told me there are two ducks down at the pond." "That's absurd." said the potential buyer. "Dogs can't count. He was probably just barking for the heck of it." Just then a duck flew overhead, descended just past the trees and apparently landed on the pond. "Now send him back and have him count!" said the man. The farmer again commanded "Hunt!" and off went the dog. He more...