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Once upon a time there was a beautiful oil company. All day long she loved to run up and down the share price list, laughing and skipping. But one day she was very sad, because she couldnt find an interim dividend anywhere and she knew people would be very angry if she couldnt produce it."Whats wrong, little oil company?" said a gruff voice nearby. She looked around and there was a funny little creature with spectacles, a bald patch and shaving cuts."I cant find a dividend," she said and started crying again."Dont worry," said the creature. "I can find you one.""How?" said the oil company, "And who are you?""Im an accountant," he said. "As for how I do it, never you mind about that. But theres one condition. If I do find it for you, you must agree to let me stay with you.""Yes, yes!" she said, anxious only to get the dividend. The accountant disap peared into some books nearby and stayed there more...

MARS AIR FORCE DENIES STORIES OF UFO CRASH

Valles Marineris (MPI) - A spokesthing for Mars Air Force denounced as false rumors that an alien space craft crashed in the desert, outside of Ares Vallis on Friday. Appearing at a press conference today, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser, stated that' the object was, in fact, a harmless high-altitude weather balloon, not an alien spacecraft'.

The story broke late Friday night when a major stationed at nearby Ares Vallis Air Force Base contacted the Valles Marineris Daily Record with a story about a strange, balloon-shaped object which allegedly came down in the nearby desert,' bouncing' several times before coming to a stop,' deflating in a sudden explosion of alien gases'. Minutes later, General Rgrmrmy The Lesser contacted the Daily Record telepathically to contradict the earlier report.

General Rgrmrmy The Lesser stated that hysterical stories of a detachable vehicle roaming across the Martian desert were more...