Neck Jokes / Recent Jokes
little boy and girl at school were having lunch in the shelter shed.
"Tommy," she said, "I`m not eating any more chicken sandwiches."
"Why?" he asked.
"`Cause I`m starting to grow feathers down here," she said, pointing to the bottom of her tummy.
"I don`t believe you," he said. "You`ll have to show me."
Behind the shed they went, where the inspection took place.
"You`re right," he said. "I`ve been eating a lot of chicken also. Perhaps I`m getting feathers too."
"Well, I`d better have a look," she said.
After a lengthy examination, she looked up and said, "Oh, I think it`s too late for you. You`ve got the neck and giblets too."
Once upon a time there lived three men: a doctor, a chemist, and an engineer. For some reason all three offended the king and were sentenced to die on the same day. The day of the execution arrived, and the doctor was led up to the guillotine.As he strapped the doctor to the guillotine, the executioner asked, "Head up or head down?" "Head up," said the doctor. "Blindfold or no blindfold?" "No blindfold." So the executioner raised the axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped barely an inch above the doctor's neck. Well, the law stated that if an execution didn't succeed the first time the prisoner had to be released, so the doctor was set free. Then the chemist was led up to the guillotine. "Head up or head down?" said the executioner. "Head up." "Blindfold or no blindfold?" "No blindfold." So the executioner raised his axe, and z-z-z-z-ing! Down came the blade--and stopped an inch above the more...
Q: How can you tell if a lawyer is well hung?
A: You can’t get a finger between the rope and his neck!
Q: If you are stranded on a desert island with Adolph Hitler, Atilla the Hun, and a lawyer, and you have a gun with only two bullets, what do you do?
A: Shoot the lawyer twice.
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: Why won’t sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: What do you have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: Why did God make snakes just before lawyers?
A: To practice.
A command was given to a dog: “SPEAK! ”
The dog said in return: “Not without more...
Q: Why do Greek men wear gold neck chains? A: So they know where to stop shaving.
A man, called to an audit by the IRS, asked his accountant for advice on
what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a
pauper." Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite
advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and
tie."
Confused, the man went to his rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice,
and
requested some resolution of the dilemma. "Let me tell you a story,"
replied
the rabbi. "A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on
her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right
up
to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting
advice. 'Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your
navel.'
The man protested: "What does all this have to do with my problem with the
IRS?"
"No matter what you wear, you are going to get more...
There were two beggers sitting next to each other on the street in Vatican city, one had a large cross around his neck, the other had the star of David.It was a loverly day, the sun was shinning, there were thousands of people walking past the two beggers, but everyone was giving the man with the cross around his neck money, while the man with the star of david got nothing.
One morning a high priest walked by the beggers and said the the begger with the star of david " my friend, you are in Vatican city, all these people that pass you by will give to the man with the cross, they will never give money to a man with a star of david, infact they will give to the man with the cross just to spite you...
The begger with the star of david, turned the the begger with the cross and said " hey, moshe, this shmuck is trying to teach the cohen brothers about marketing"
Your mom's so fat, the back of her neck looks like a pack of franks.