Neck Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man with a talking parrot is getting married. On the day of the wedding he says to the parrot "Now look here, I know you are always sat in that window sticking your beak in, when me and my new wife get back from the wedding I want you to turn round and and no matter what you hear I do not want you to turn back or I'll break your neck, do you understand?" The parrot reluctantly agrees. On returning from the wedding the parrot turns round as instructed, and behind him the bride and groom start to pack for the honeymoon. The wife however has packed too much and they can't get the case closed. "Get on top and sit on it baby!" Says the man the woman does so and grunts and moans but can't shut the case. "You get on top baby it might be better" Says the wife, so the man grunts and groans and tries his best but still cant shut the case. After a little thought the man says "Ok we'll both get on top see if that's any better!" The parrot turns round and more...

A redneck and a Frenchman were caught in Kentucky for making and selling bad moonshine. The law decided to hang them off the middle of the Ohio Bridge. They tied the rope around the Frenchman's neck and said, "Do you have any last words?"
He said, "No."
They threw him off the bridge, but the rope was too long. He removed the rope from his neck and swam to the Ohio side of the river.
Then they tied the same rope around the redneck's neck and said, "Do you have any last words to say?"
He said, "Yes, shorten up that rope boys 'cause I can't swim."

Oh my God!!! What's that big ugly thing on your neck?! Oh, it's just your head.

What do frogs eat with their hamburgers?
French flies.
What do polo players get from spending all afternoon in the saddle?
Poloroids.
What do you call a cow who works for a gardener?
A lawn moo-er.
What do you call a dog that is left-handed?
A south paw.
What do you call a frightened scuba diver?
Chicken of the sea.
What do you call a monster with no neck?
The Lost Neck Monster.
What do you call a transvestite cow?
A Dairy Queen.
What do you call Eskimo cows?
Eskimoos.
What do you get when you cross a duck with a computer?
A quackintosh.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede?
Bacon and legs.

What do frogs eat with their hamburgers? French flies.What do polo players get from spending all afternoon in the saddle? Poloroids.What do you call a cow who works for a gardener? A lawn moo-er.What do you call a dog that is left-handed? A south paw.What do you call a frightened scuba diver? Chicken of the sea.What do you call a monster with no neck? The Lost Neck Monster.What do you call a transvestite cow? A Dairy Queen.What do you call Eskimo cows? Eskimoos.What do you get when you cross a duck with a computer? A quackintosh.What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and legs.

A story I'll tell of a burglar boldWho started to rob a house; He opened the window, and then crept inAs quiet as a mouse. He looked around for a place to hide,'Till the folks were all asleep, Then said he, "With their moneyI'll take a quiet sneak." So under the bed the burglar crept; He crept up close to the wall; He didn't know it was an old maid's roomOr he wouldn't have had the gall. He thought of the money that he would steal, As under the bed he lay; But at nine o'clock he saw a sightThat made his hair turn gray. At nine o'clock the old maid came in;"I am so tired," she said; She thought that all was well that nightSo she didn't look under the bed. She took out her teeth and her big glass eye, And the hair from off her head; The burglar, he had forty fitsAs he watched from under the bed. From under the bed the burglar crept, He was a total wreck; The old maid wasn't asleep at allAnd she grabbed him by the neck. She didn't holler, or shout or call, She was as more...

I saw you across a crowded room. Among all the others that
were there, The lights seemed to shine down on you alone. I
knew then I had to have you for my own.
Willingly, you came with me to my home. From the car, I
carried you & threw the door.
Looking at you, I admire your body, your well shaped legs,
and breasts. Slowly I remove what wraps, around your body so
tightly, fitting you like a glove. Exposing your tender white
skin.
From your neck I remove your charms, and carry you off in my
arms, to the warm water that awaits.
The water cascades down your neck, flowing over your soft
breasts then, making your legs glisten with wetness. Droplets
of water cover your taut skin.
My hands rub your body, ummmm running them threw the beads
of water. Making them trickle down off your body.
I place my fingers inside you. You are warm and moist, so
ready. I carry your still dripping body, to a laying place,
so that I can put more...