Negative Jokes / Recent Jokes
10. I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but this morning I couldn't find it.
9. I took time out to snack a doughnut and a cup of coffee. I spent the rest of the night trying to figure which one to dunk.
8. I couldn't figure out whether i am the square of negative one or i is the square root of negative one.
7. I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it.
6. I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.
5. I was watching the World Series and got tied up trying to prove that it converged.
4. I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in this margin.
3. I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn't actually reach it.
2. Isaac Newton's birthday.
1. I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.
Approximately ten excuses for not doing homework:
I accidentally divided by zero and my paper burst into flames.
I could only get arbitrarily close to my textbook. I couldn't actually reach it.
I have the proof, but there isn't room to write it in this margin.
I was watching the World Series and got tied up trying to prove that it converged.
I have a solar powered calculator and it was cloudy.
I locked the paper in my trunk but a four-dimensional dog got in and ate it.
I couldn't figure out whether I am the square of negative one or I am the square root of negative one.
I took time out to snack on a doughnut and a cup of coffee, and then I spent the rest of the night trying to figure which one to dunk.
I could have sworn I put the homework inside a Klein bottle, but this morning I couldn't find it.
ACCORDING to the grapevine, Dr Norman Vincent Peale was wounded mentally at least on one occasion. A drunken young man addressed the author of The Power of Positive Thinking:' I want to know/ he lisped,' what is the difference between positive and negative thinking?'
Dr Peale was very polite.' Young man,' he is supposed to have answered,' if you will ask me that when you are sober, I shall be happy to tell you.'
'That's the trouble,' the young man mouthed.' When I am sober, I just don't give a damn.'
A case for the Third Universal Cardinal Rule of Thumb: Never be absolute, unless absolutely necessary: A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up, "Yeah, right."
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive.
In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up,' Yeah, right.'
By expecting a negative answer,
Girlfriend ask “Have u ever cheated, lie, broken promise? ” To satisfy his girl,
the boy reply a negative answer:
“Nothing of these, I haven’t done. ” &
The following Transcript was performed in June of 2006 at the Broadway Comedy Club in New York City.I hope I don't seem too off tonight - I caught Paris Hilton's new single the other day; now my ears itch, and it burns when I hear.
Y'like what I did there, right? Yeah...it's funny cuz she's a whore.
I saw in the paper yesterday that Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan got into it at some Hollywood party recently, and the papers were calling it a "catfight," which to me is typical tabloid exaggeration.
We all know the rule of thumb: it ain't a catfight, unless we see some titty. It's gotta be confirmed by at least two witnesses...
So I say let'em go at it til shit gets to rippin'. It's not like there's high expectations floating around for these two. It's not like there's a lot of people who think'Paris Hilton' and'Lindsay Lohan' and immediately think, 'class.'
I've known chicks from Jersey with more self-esteem. Seriously, as I speak there is a fifty year old more...