Neighbor Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde went outside to check her mailbox, and her neighbor kept an eye on her, she had no mail, so she went back inside her house. Two minutes later, the same blonde went outside for the 2nd time to check her mailbox, and still, she had no mail, and the neighbor was confused. One minute later, again the woman comes outside to check her mailbox for the 3rd time, and again, she had no mail. This time, her neighbor went up to her and said, "The Mailman won't be here for another 3 more hours, why do you keep on checking your mail?". The blonde said, "Oh, because my computer keeps on saying, "You've got mail".

A man was tired of the city life so he decided to move way out in the country where he would have all the room and privacy that he needed. His house was at least 35 miles from everything and everyone. No one ever came to visit and he never went to visit anyone.
After about the sixth month at his new home, he began to get a little lonesome and wondered if he'd really made the right move. That evening while he sat in his rocking chair on his front porch, he noticed someone walking along his long, secluded driveway towards his house. He quickly approached the strange man and asked what he needed.
The stranger stated that he was a neighbor that lived just beyond the far hill and that he was having a party that night and would like to invite him. The man quickly accepted the neighbors offer and was relieved to finally have some company.
Before the neighbor left, he told the man, "You better let me warn you about something. At this party, there's probably going to be more...

This is a set of essential personality tests to prepare you misfit readers for Christmas and your New Year's resolutions:
You reuse last year's Christmas cards and send them out under your own name (5 points).
You steal light bulbs from you neighbor's outdoor display to replenish your own supply (5 points, 10 if neighbor's whole light sets or lighted Santa goes out).
You have dressed a dog or cat as Santa Claus, elf helper, or reindeer (10 points for each; if you dressed an endangered species, 5 extra points).
You put out last year's stale candy canes for children (1 point for each piece of sticky candy). If you put out a chocolate or marzipan Santa also, add 10 points.
You enclose a shoddy and inferior gift from Target, Walmart, or K-Mart in a Bloomingdale's or other prestige box to impress your friends (5 points for each infraction).
You make collect long distance phone calls to your family on Christmas day (5 points, 10 if from a cell phone), claiming you more...

A blonde bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that she cut the tail of one horse and thWork jokesed great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail and our friend was stuck again. The neighbor suggested she notch the ear off one horse. ThWork jokesed fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart. The neighbor suggested she measure the horses for height. When she did, she was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black.

There once was a really dumb blonde who had two horses. Now this blonde couldn't tell her two horses apart so she decided to ask her neighbor to help he out. She said to her neighbor, "I have two horses that I can't tell apart, can you help me?" "Sure," said her neighbor, "maybe you should nick one of their ears, then you could tell them apart." So, the blonde went home and did that. The next day the blonde went to check up on her horses but saw that she could not tell them apart for the other horse had nicked it's ear also. So, she went back over to her neighbors. "My other horse has a nicked ear now to." she said, " Do you have any other ideas how to tell them apart? They are both girls." "Hmmmm." thought her neighbor," Cut one's tail shorter than the other!" So, the blonde went home and did that. The next day, though, both horses had the same length of tail! So, the blond, tired of walking to her neighbors house more...

One afternoon, a woman was complaining to her new next-door neighbor that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him.
"Take my advice," said the neighbor, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at three o'clock in the morning, and from my bed, I called out:' Is that you, Jim?' And that cured him."
"Cured him!" asked the woman, "but how did that cure him?"
The neighbor said, "His name is Bill."

Jon bought two horses, and could never remember which was which. A neighbor suggested that he cut the tail of one horse and that worked great until the other horse got his tail caught in a bush. It tore just right and looked exactly like the other horse's tail and our friend was stuck again.

The neighbor suggested Jon notch the ear of one horse. That worked fine until the other horse caught his ear on a barbed wire fence. Once again our friend couldn't tell them apart.

The neighbor suggested he measure the horses for height. When he did, he was very pleased to find that the white horse was 2 inches taller than the black.