Netscape Jokes / Recent Jokes

Home on the Web
(to the tune of "Home on the Range")
VERSE: Oh give me a site where the links all work right - one that doesn't take too long to load - where the text can be seen on my 13-inch screen - one that offers a "no-Java" mode.
REFRAIN: Home, home on the Web on my 486 IBM. Please take pity on me - I'm still on Netscape 3 with a 14.4-speed modem!
VERSE: Though your video files give your pages some style I can't read them upon my PC; Massive graphics and sound crash my system, I've found, so please put in some "alt" tags for me!
REFRAIN: Home, home on the Web on my 486 IBM Please take pity on me - I'm still on Netscape 3 with a 14.4-speed modem!
VERSE: Please don't ask me to "chat" with your favorite cat; I don't have an IRC code. And don't ask me to buy games for Win 95 - My PC is way too darn old!
REFRAIN: Home, home on the Web on my 486 IBM Please take pity on me - I'm still on Netscape 3 with a 14.4-speed more...

This call was actually recorded during a session with AOL Tech Support Tech:

Internet Technical Support this is [removed] speaking. May I have your username please?

Female Customer: Yes I want to speak to the person in charge immediately!

Tech: Speaking. What can I do for you?

Female Customer: I want to complain about the pornographic bookmarks your company put in my web browser!

Tech: We didn't put any pornographic bookmarks in your web browser.

Female Customer: Oh yes you did! I'm looking at them right now!

(Tech remembers the Netscape history list and grins to himself)

Tech: Where exactly are these "bookmarks" located?

Female Customer: In Netscape!

Tech: And where exactly in Netscape would that be?

Female: In that little list that comes down when you click the little down arrow!

Tech: The one right above the Net Search more...

Citing the event as a new era of peace and co-operation, Bill Gates today announced Microsoft's purchase of Netscape. Said Gates: "Hopefully now the world knows we're serious about the Web."
Microsoft's first move will be to combine the two browsers, with the MINE (Microsoft Internet Netscape Explorer) browser due this year.
"When we release this version," said Gates, "all Web access will be MINE."

Citing the event as a new era of peace and co-operation, Bill Gates today announced Microsoft's purchase of Netscape. Said Gates: "Hopefully now the world knows we're serious about the Web."
Microsoft's first move will be to combine the two browsers, with the MINE (Microsoft Internet Netscape Explorer) browser due this year.
"When we release this version," said Gates, "all Web access will be MINE."

you know 56k means' reliable 33. 6' and 33. 6 means' reliable 28. 8' and so forth.

you know the win98 setup wizard by heart and can walk a user through it without even interrupting your Quake/MUD/IRC session to do so.

you know where the email settings are in Internet Mail, Outlook Express, Pegasus, Eudora, Netscape Mail, Messenger Mailbox, and you don't use any of those programs for personal use.

you maintain more than four websites and do not have time for a personal web page.

you know all of the following people by reputation and can explain what they've done that is relevant to your world: Steve Case, Linus Torvalds, Eric Allman, Sanford Wallace.

you know what TCP/IP stands for, not to mention DNS, HTTP, SNMP, BGP, OSPF, and DUN. You like acronyms.

you know more ip addresses than phone numbers. Sometimes you just find it easier to type the dotted quad.

you know more phone numbers to modem banks than you more...