Network Jokes / Recent Jokes

Breakfast, lunch and dinner: Cheese-filled weenies
Raise financial backing for my one man ice show - "Davecapades!"
Turn in Uzi for shiny new bicycle
Tape all the NFL games on CBS
Return camera number 3 to NBC
(Here, Dave shows camera number 3 - with an NBC logo on the side)
Stop laughing every time I say "The Fox Network"
Have applause sign installed in my bedroom
To always remain loyal to this fine network - unless another network comes up with some more money
Learn to teeterboard nude
(This entry is completed with a clip of senior citizens teeterboarding naked)
Four words: Mrs. Kathie Lee Letterman

Ebonics Version of Windows ‘98 Debuts!
Microsoft has announced that its special Ebonics version of Windows 98, titled “It be a fresh Window. ” It has been leaked to several suburbs, causing confusion for unsuspecting users.
There are numerous differences between Windows 98 and the Ebonics version.
When opening the Ebonics version, the familiar windows chime is replaced With a “phat getto track that melts ‘em down wit dope-ass bass, ” The opening screen features a Windows logo that is spray painted on a brick wall - along with several gangsta signs, slogans and shout outs.
On the main screen, My Computer is replaced with “Dis My Shit. ”
The Recycle Bin has been replaced with a Goodwill dumpster.
If users are logged on to a network, the Network Neighborhood is replaced With “Da Hood. ”
Users have their choice of two animated screen savers: “Marquee, ” a lil’ G spray- painting dirty words that move across the screen; or more...

The Net is Slow

Oh, the network outside is frightful,
But on campus, it's so delightful,
Our packets have nowhere to go,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.

It doesn't show signs of stopping,
All our packets, our hosts are dropping;
Bandwidth is turned way down low,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.

When we finally connect to a site,
It's time to go back to the dorm;
But if I could stay here all night,
I could submit their Web form.

The network is slowly dying,
And, I fear, we're still denying,
But as long as Sprint is the way to go,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.

Why should I upgrade to Windows 95?
Because of the size of Microsoft, and its influence on the American
economy, it's crucial that all PC users buy Windows 95. If this doesn't
happen, the dollar will fall further against the yen, unemployment will
rise, the deficit will increase, interest rates will skyrocket, the
market will crash, and we'll be plunged into another world war.
Besides, Bill Gates says you should.
What about long filenames?
Ha ha. Can't believe you fell for this one. Sure you can create long
filenames, which are then immediately truncated to an eight character
string, for old times sake. When you go to look for your file, the
operating system matches a random sampling of letters with the
filenames it has stored. Good luck finding your file.
Does Windows 95 offer true multitasking?
Yes. It's called Interactive Multitasking, meaning you can work on
other tasks while waiting for your computer to reboot each time more...

M'wana Ndeti, a member of Zaire's Bantu tribe, used an IBM global uplink network modem yesterday
to crush a nut.
Ndeti, who spent 20 minutes trying to open the nut by hand, easily cracked it open by smashing it
repeatedly with the powerful modem.
"I could not crush the nut by myself," said the 47-year-old Ndeti, who added the savory nut to a
thick, peanut-based soup minutes later. "With IBM's help, I was able to break it." Ndeti discovered
the nut-breaking, 28. 8 V. 34 modem yesterday, when IBM was shooting a commercial in his southwestern
Zaire village. During a break in shooting, which shows African villagers eagerly teleconferencing via
computer with Japanese school children, Ndeti snuck onto the set and took the modem, which he
believed would serve well as a "smashing" utensil.
IBM officials were not surprised the longtime computer giant was able to provide Ndeti with practical
solutions to his more...

Oh, the network outside is frightful,
But on campus, it's so delightful,
Our packets have nowhere to go,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.
It doesn't show signs of stopping,
All our packets, our hosts are dropping;
Bandwidth is turned way down low,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.
When we finally connect to a site,
It's time to go back to the dorm;
But if I could stay here all night,
I could submit their Web form.
The network is slowly dying,
And, I fear, we're still denying,
But as long as Sprint is the way to go,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.

Did you ever watch the Food Network?
Ya, they cook stuff that you won't even think about cooking,
and afterwards you don't even bother to even remember it.
People just sit at home and drool... It's like porno for
fat people.