Network Jokes / Recent Jokes

"'Tis the night before Christmas," I thought with a frown.
I was stuck at the office. The network was down.
The routers were hung in the closet. All crashed.
Their tables had holes in their data. All trashed.
Remote distribution, it seems, just for fun,
Had erased DLLs Windows needed to run
On 84 desktops way down in accounting.
I sat stunned at my desk, my blood pressure mounting.
When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter,
I saw that a server had something the matter.
There was smoke coming out of the main hard disk drive.
"No problem," I thought. "I'm set up with RAID 5."
But I found out the system I thought was unstoppable
Had disk drives that turned out completely unswappable!
"No problem," I thought. "I've tape backup to thank."
And then I discovered my backups were blank.
The UPS burped, and its lights all went out.
I started to scream! I more...

On the first day of Christmas, technology gave to me
A database with a broken b-tree (what the hell is a b-tree anyway?)
On the second day of Christmas, technology gave to me
Two transceiver failures (CRC errors? Collisions? What is going on?)
And a database with a broken b-tree (Rebuild WHAT? It's a 10GB database!)
On the third day of Christmas, technology gave to me
Three French users (who, of course, think they know everything)
Two transceiver failures (which are now spewing packets all over the net)
And a database with a broken b-tree (Backup? What backup?)
On the fourth day of Christmas, technology gave to me
Four calls for support (playing the same Christmas song over and over)
Three French users (Why do they like to argue so much over trivial things?)
Two transceiver failures (How the hell do I know which ones they are?)
And a database with a broken b-tree (Pointer error? What's a pointer error?)
On the fifth more...

On the first day of Christmas, technology gave to me: A database with a broken b-tree
(what the hell is a b-tree anyway?)
On the second day of Christmas, technology gave to me: Two transceiver failures
(CRC errors? Collisions? What is going on?) And a database with a broken b-tree
(Rebuild WHAT? It's a 10GB database!)
On the third day of Christmas, technology gave to me: Three French users
(who, of course, think they know everything) Two transceiver failures
(which are now spewing packets all over the net) And a database with a broken b-tree
(Backup? What backup?)
On the fourth day of Christmas, technology gave to me: Four calls for support
(playing the same Christmas song over and over) Three French users
(Why do they like to argue so much over trival things?) Two transceiver failures
(How the hell do I know which ones they are?) And a database with a broken b-tree
(Pointer error? What a pointer error?)
On the more...

A Networkologist's Christmas"'Tis the night before Christmas," I thought with a frown. I was stuck at the office. The network was down. The routers were hung in the closet. All crashed. Their tables had holes in their data. All trashed. Remote distribution, it seems, just for fun, Had erased DLLs Windows needed to run On 84 desktops way down in accounting. I sat stunned at my desk, my blood pressure mounting. When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter, I saw that a server had something the matter. There was smoke coming out of the main hard disk drive. "No problem," I thought. "I'm set up with RAID5." But I found out the system I thought was unstoppable Had disk drives that turned out completely unswappable! "No problem," I thought. "I've tape backup to thank." And then I discovered my backups were blank. The UPS burped, and its lights all went out. I started to scream! I started to shout! But nobody heard as I vented my rage. My more...

A Networkologist's Christmas

"'Tis the night before Christmas," I thought with a frown. I was stuck at the office. The network was down. The routers were hung in the closet. All crashed. Their tables had holes in their data. All trashed.

Remote distribution, it seems, just for fun, Had erased DLLs Windows needed to run On 84 desktops way down in accounting. I sat stunned at my desk, my blood pressure mounting.

When all of a sudden there arose such a clatter, I saw that a server had something the matter. There was smoke coming out of the main hard disk drive. "No problem," I thought. "I'm set up with RAID
5."

But I found out the system I thought was unstoppable Had disk drives that turned out completely unswappable! "No problem," I thought. "I've tape backup to thank." And then I discovered my backups were blank.

The UPS burped, and its lights all went out. I started to scream! more...

' Wiiiiilliam Gaaaates...'

'Oh, hi, Satan. What's up downstairs?'

'It's tiiiiime...'

'Yeah, but we're still debugging Memphis, and Ballmer swears he'll wipe out Adobe before lunch, and Melinda wants to change the tile in the third-floor kitchen again, and...'

'Sorry, Bill. I've given you too many extensions already, not to mention the Oracle8 launch event disaster, not to mention Steve Jobs' head on a platter.'

'Yeah, that was a good one. I think you enjoy this as much as I...'

'Regardless, a deal's a deal. Your soul is mine, Bill Gates. And today is the day you pay your eternal debt to me.'

'Now, let's be reasonable here, Satan...'

'Reasonable?!? You want reasonable?!? You're the richest man in the world! You've got a beautiful wife and daughter! Microsoft is the most powerful company on the planet! We're even using NT to run hell's WAN server! And frankly, it sucks. That's one of the reasons I've more...

"Men, Women, and Dogs" (New Show)
All we had at time of press is that this series will star former MTV VJ Bill Bellamy. It is unclear whether he will portray a man, woman or dog.
"Smallville" (New Show)
Tom Welling was cast as Clark Kent based on the strength of his performance in CBS's "Judging Amy." The fact that Tom possesses the powers of flight, heat vision and freeze breath had nothing to do with it.
"The Young Plastic Man Chronicles" (New Show)
The stretchy comic-book hero gets his own prequel show following "Smallville." Young Plas grapples with the trials of adolescence and having a penis that stretches to infinite lengths.
"Off Centre" (New Show)
This humourous comedy deals with the lives of colourful British football centres with day jobs: one drives a lorry, the other operates a lift. In the pilot episode they go on holiday but end up in hospital.
"Elimidate Deluxe" (New more...