Newlyweds Jokes

Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon and were getting undressed together for the first time. He took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored.

"What happened to you feet?" his wife asked.
"I had a childhood disease called tolio."

"Don't you mean polio?"
"No, tolio, it only affects the toes."

He then removed his pants and revealed an awful looking pair of knees.

"What happened to your knees?" she asked.
"Well, I also had kneesles."

"Don't you mean measles?"
"No, kneesles, it only affects the knees."

When he removed his shorts his wife gasped and said...
"Don't tell me, you also had smallcox!"

Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon and were getting undressed together for the first time. He took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored." What happened to you feet?" his wife asked." I had a childhood disease called tolio." "Don't you mean polio?" "No, tolio, it only affects the toes." He then removed his pants and revealed an awful looking pair of knees. "What happened to your knees?" she asked." Well, I also had kneesles." "Don't you mean measles?" "No, kneesles, it only affects the knees." When he removed his shorts his wife gasped and said..."Don't tell me, you also had smallcox!"

The newlyweds showed up at the hotel and asked for the honeymoon suite." Do you have reservations?" asked the desk clerk." Only one, " replied the groom, "she won't take it up the ass."

Show up totally smashed. Be as obnoxious and unruly as possible. When the priest says his little "If anyone know any reason..." ditty, say, "Look at him! Look at her! These people should not reproduce!" or rattle off every mean, nasty thing the ex ever did to you, including that time when he went to see "Jesus Christ Superstar" with his mother on the night of your anniversary. Send hookers. Laugh incessantly during the ceremony, for no apparent reason. Trip the bride on the way up. Wrestling, anyone? Two words: bomb threat. Have a nice heart-to-heart with the mother of the bride (or groom). What you say is up to you, and the more horrid the better. Pretend you've been seeing the groom secretly. Claim you've had his love child and he looks just like him. Say you've had an affair with the bride if you're female, and the groom if you're male. Make a big production about how this is all killing you. Laugh at anyone who takes you seriously. Silly string! or, more...

The newlyweds were honeymooning at a remote log cabin resort up in the mountains of Scotland.
The elderly couple who ran the resort were becoming concerned about the newlyweds, since they hadn't been seen in days. The old man thought he'd best go and see if they were alright. When he knocked on the cabin door, a weak voice from inside answered. The old man asked them if they were okay.
"Oh yes, we're fine," came the reply. "We're living on the fruits of love."
"That's what I thought," replied the old man. "Would ye mind not throwing the peelings out the window. They're choking me ducks."