Newlyweds Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young couple were married, and celebrated their first night together, doing what newlyweds do, time and time again, all night long. Morning comes and the groom goes into the bathroom but finds no towel when he emerges from the shower. He asks the bride to please bring one from the bedroom.
When she gets to the bathroom door, he opened the door, exposing his body for the first time to his bride where she sees all of him well.
Her eyes went up and down and at about midway, they stopped and stared, and she asked shyly, "What's THAT?", pointing to a small part of his anatomy.
He, also being shy, thought for a minute and then said, "Well, that's what we had so much fun with last night."
And she, in amazement asked, "Is that all we have left?"

The newlyweds were honeymooning at a remote log cabin resort up in the mountains of Scotland.
The elderly couple who ran the resort were becoming concerned about the newlyweds, since they hadn't been seen in days. The old man thought he'd best go and see if they were alright. When he knocked on the cabin door, a weak voice from inside answered. The old man asked them if they were okay.
"Oh yes, we're fine," came the reply. "We're living on the fruits of love."
"That's what I thought," replied the old man. "Would ye mind not throwing the peelings out the window. They're choking me ducks."

Two newlyweds are riding in the back of a limo on the way to their honeymoon boat cruise. The husband says, "Honey, I want to stop and pick up some condoms before we go." "Good idea," she says. "While you're in there, pick me up some Dramamine."The groom gets out, walks into the drugstore and says to the clerk, "I'd like a box of condoms and a package of Dramamine, please.""Yes sir, says the clerk, "but do you mind if I ask you a question? If it makes you nauseous, why do you do it?"

Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon and were getting undressed together for the first time. He took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored.
"What happened to you feet?" his wife asked.
"I had a childhood disease called tolio."
"Don't you mean polio?"
"No, tolio, it only affects the toes."
He then removed his pants and revealed an awful looking pair of knees.
"What happened to your knees?" she asked.
"Well, I also had kneesles."
"Don't you mean measles?"
"No, kneesles, it only affects the knees."
When he removed his shorts his wife gasped and said...
"Don't tell me, you also had smallcox!"

Two newlyweds went on their honeymoon and were getting undressed together for the first time. He took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discolored."What happened to you feet?" his wife asked."I had a childhood disease called tolio.""Don't you mean polio?""No, tolio, it only affects the toes."He then removed his pants and revealed an awful looking pair of knees. "What happened to your knees?" she asked."Well, I also had kneesles.""Don't you mean measles?""No, kneesles, it only affects the knees."When he removed his shorts his wife gasped and said..."Don't tell me, you also had smallcox!"

Two newlyweds were in their honeymoon suite on their wedding night. As they were undressing for bed, the husband - who was a big burly man - tossed his trousers to his bride and said, "Here, put these on." She put them on and the waist was twice the size of her body.
"I can't wear your trousers," she said.
"That's right,'' said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the man who wears the pants in this family."
With that she flipped him her panties and said, "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could only get them on as far as his kneecaps. "Hell," he said. ''I can't get into your panties!"
She replied, "That's right, and that's the way it's going to stay until your attitude changes."

Two newlyweds are riding in the back of a limo on the way to their honeymoon boat cruise. The husband says, "Honey, I want to stop and pick up some condoms before we go." "Good idea," she says. "While you're in there, pick me up some Dramamine." The groom gets out, walks into the drugstore and says to the clerk, "I'd like a box of condoms and a package of Dramamine, please." "Yes sir, says the clerk, "but do you mind if I ask you a question? If it makes you nauseous, why do you do it?"